when everything isn't everything ...

another doctor’s visit. another set of questions without answers.

for a good portion of the last 10 years, i’ve struggled with bouts of extreme fatigue and malaise. i’ve been to numerous doctors, and had numerous tests run, with some abnormal results, but none that anyone has ever bothered to pursue. they’ve tried a couple things, but nothing has worked. it’s terribly frustrating. every time i get my hopes up about finally getting some answers, the door is slammed in my face yet again.

i’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

now, don’t get me wrong. i know that i am a very healthy person comparatively. i don’t take for granted that i am in great shape, can get out and run, and have incredibly good genes. and i don’t mean to complain when i know that there are people who have life-threatening illnesses and/or are in excruciating pain daily. it’s just hard when i can’t function at my fullest potential. i practically have to put toothpicks in my eyelids to make it through an afternoon, and most runs are a chore rather than a boost. this certainly doesn’t feel like “life to the full” that Jesus promised in john 10:10.

then today - on my run, no less - i was thinking about philippians 4:13 -

for i can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (NLT)

Christians most often take that to mean that they can literally do anything and everything because of Christ. while it’s true that we have access to all heavenly power and riches through Christ, i don’t think that’s quite what this verse is saying. let’s look at it in the NIV ...

i can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

now, what exactly is “this”?

i am not saying this because i am in need, for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (vv. 12-13)

so it’s not that Christ gives us the strength to DO everything. it’s that He gives us the strength to be content IN everything. that’s not to say that He doesn’t give us strength. but He doesn’t go around making Christians into superheroes, either. He gives each person the strength to live his or her own life. God will ask us to do things that require full reliance on Him for strength, but it’s not Godly to run yourself into the ground doing things that He hasn’t asked or given you strength to do.

so i’m reminded yet again that i need to be content with exactly how things are, whether completely healthy or exhausted, with answers or without. i know that God will give me the strength i need to do the things He is asking me to do, and it’s okay if i’m not doing ‘more’. He has always come through in the past, and i know that He will continue to do so as long as i continue to stay within His will.