i used to be so sure ...

you know how sometimes you find yourself reacting to a situation in a way that has little or nothing to do with the present situation at all. it touches on something deep within you and the pain is suddenly as fresh as the first day you felt it. you know God has healed that part of you, and yet a similar situation leaves you shaken to the core, suddenly unsure of everything you thought you knew. the old lies creep back in, and you start believing that your weaknesses are insurmountable obstacles, instead of a beautiful part of who God made you to be.

i hate when i let myself get to that place.

this morning while getting ready, i was reflecting on what a hard time i have taking an honest look at and being okay with my weaknesses. then God reminded me,

“your perceived weaknesses are actually a part of My perfect design, beautiful opportunities for My glory to shine ...”

then tonight i watched the movie ‘family man’ with nicholas cage and tea leoni. this conversation reminded me that it’s okay to be slightly unsure, but it’s important to not lose sight of the things you know for sure - that you are exactly who God made you to be, and you are exactly where you’re meant to be.

“i feel like i’m living someone else’s life ... i used to be so sure about everything, you know? i knew exactly who i was and what i wanted ... i never used to be like this, kate. i had it all figured out. no doubts, no regrets.”

“and now ...?”

“now ... i don’t.”

“me neither.”

“i think it’s good to be a little unsure about who you are. it’s very human.”

“but you always seem so certain.”

“i think about it, too, jack. i do. i think about the kind of person i’d be if i hadn’t married you ... and i realize i’ve just erased the things in my life i’m most sure about.”

“i’m sure that right now there’s nowhere i’d rather be than here with you.”

in 2 corinthians 12:9-10, pual reminds us that, “‘[God’s] grace is all you need. [His] power works best in weakness.’” so now i am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. that’s why i take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that i suffer for Christ. for when i am weak, then i am strong.”

the theme of strength from weakness was everywhere at church today. the worship leader talked about how, just like the colors of fall, it is our differences that make us beautiful. the speaker shared how God had used him in great ways in spite of his weaknesses, and how he prays for God to change his heart and mind. weaknesses are good as long as you don’t get so caught up in them that you can’t let them become strengths. uncertainty is good as long as you don’t let it rob you of the truth - who you are and what you want.

“don’t screw up the best thing in your life just because you’re a little unsure of who you are.”