don't deny your discontent ...

after a fun 24-hr trip to alabama, i’m back with some more thoughts on the whole marriage/singleness issue.

i would like to start off by saying that i do not actually think that singleness is a sin.

if that were the case, then i know an awful lot of Godly men and women who are living in sin. saying that singleness is actually a sin is like saying that every man has met the woman that he’s supposed to spend the rest of his life with. and where does that leave women, who are not supposed to pursue (which is another issue entirely)? at what age would singleness become a sin, and where does dating fall into all of this?

no, i do not believe that singleness, in and of itself, is a sin.

remember that the original quote suggested that PROTRACTED - prolonged - singleness was the sin. as someone else pointed out, it is a sin to remain single when you know that marriage is something you are being called to but are not actively pursuing (whether with a specific person, or in general through intentionality, prayer and heart preparation) because of fear, pride, control, worry about our own issues, etc. so it’s not singleness that is the sin, but the sins that are causing you to stay single, especially when you give them more weight than they’re due. i’ve definitely been guilty of that, feeling like i needed to get my act together before love could come my way. the truth is, i’m not going to be perfect, and neither is he, and the adventure of marriage is learning to be perfectly imperfect together.

additionally, when i first found that infamous quote from my first post, it was actually the other angle that intrigued me most.

“a generation of singles are stuffing their discontent and starting to believe that it's their discontent, and not their protracted singleness, that is their sin.”

i would say that we’re far from just starting to believe that our discontent is a sin. we’re entrenched in it. and it is probably a lot of what is perpetuating our protracted singleness. i cannot tell you how many times i’ve beaten myself up for wanting something different than my present state ... and i know that i’m not alone. God created us with the desire for finding someone to share our lives with. but satan has done a really good job of convincing us that it is wrong to pursue that desire, and the church has done much to reinforce that message. sure, we need to learn to trust God and be content wherever and in whatever state He has placed us. but that doesn’t mean we should be satisfied with anything less than what God has promised, in any area of our lives.

in genesis 2:18, God says “it is not good for the man to be alone. i will make a helper who is just right for him.”

don’t deny your discontent. embrace it. be honest about it. and don’t let sin keep you from your ‘just right’.