Sunday, March 28, 2010

Haiti: day 1 ...


I didn’t think it was possible, but the airport was even more chaotic than before. There was a Haitian band playing in the entryway like last time, which I didn’t expect and came as a welcome surprise. It took quite a while to get all 30+ of our bags, but thank God none were lost, and with just a little bit of hassle we made it out of the airport. Bags were loaded into one van and 15 of us + carry-ons were crammed into another for the 3hr trip over the mountain. Once on our way, things were actually not as bad as I thought they would be. Of course, much work has been done in the past 2 ½ months, so I know it’s not as bad as it once was. That’s also not to say that there is not much that remains to be done, but when a situation is already awful, making it worse is not as noticeable. There were tents everywhere, as people have either lost their homes or are still afraid to sleep in them. The capital building was a dilapidated shell of its former glory. The crumbled buildings were random … one still standing but poorly built next to one that looked sturdy but completely collapsed, and there was more as we made our way out of the city and closer to the epicenter. All I could say was “wow” … and I said it a lot. But the thing that had the most impact was the increase in people begging and hawking their goods … somehow continuing with their lives, but the desperation evident in their eyes. About halfway up the mountain, just before darkness fell, we passed what was clearly the fault line where the earth had literally split in two. A short time later, we were pulling up in front of the ‘Loving Light’ hotel … home, sweet home! Truly, I can’t believe it’s been nearly two years since I was last here … seems just like yesterday. We got settled in our rooms, enjoyed a dinner of yummy Haitian chicken & beef stew on the roof, briefed for the week, prepped for church, caught up on Facebook, took the best cold showers ever, and crashed into bed. Big day and week ahead of us … so many more stories to share!

See Day 1 pics here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=215549&id=583499324&l=54a6624c86

Haiti: pre-refelctions ...



And we're off ...

It wasn’t until yesterday that I actually started getting excited about the trip. I wasn’t dreading it, but it just didn’t seem real, and I was honestly a bit unsettled by all the unknown factors … our team coming from all over, what we will be doing, the devastation. Part of me wishes that I could conjure up my feelings from the first time I went, but mostly I am glad for a blank slate, so I can take it all in anew. I’m sure things will come rushing back when we touch down, greeted by familiar sights, sounds and smells … and the suffocating heat and humidity. I unfortunately do not have a window seat, so will not be able to see the tent cities that now stand in lieu of homes. As we approach, it’s funny that from afar, things still look so ‘normal’. Of course, it was bad before … I can hardly imagine it being worse.

I keep reflecting on how much has changed since my last trip, and how I see even what is the same in a different light. I am frequently overwhelmed by the ways God has lavished His love on me in the last week, filled with an “almost intolerable sweetness … the bittersweet, indefinable but wholly delightful ecstasy of a new happiness.” (Yes, ladies, I started reading :) I know that God is going to move in big ways this week, and am excited to see how He brings the members of our team together as a powerful force for Him.

Prayer points:
* One of the team members was unable to make our connection in Miami, so will be flying in a day late, and Ben Holeton will be going to meet her and bring her back. Pray for their safe arrival in Port-au-Prince and travels to Jacmel.
* I got sick with a sinus infection right before we left. Pray for quick healing instead of getting worse (I am particularly concerned about ear infection with flights) and that no one else gets sic

Make sure you check out my Facebook page for pictures: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=215549&id=583499324&l=54a6624c86 ... they say so much more than I could ever write.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

bowed down with eyes wide open ...

If you know me – and particularly if you’ve eaten Chinese with me – then you probably know that I like the story of Balaam. My philosophy is that if God can speak through a donkey, then why can’t He speak through a fortune cookie? All I know is that I’ve gotten far too many both timely and specific fortunes for them to be mere coincidence.

That aside, I didn’t remember much else about the story of Balaam than that of his talking donkey. As I read it anew yesterday, I found SO much treasure in those two and a half chapters. You can check it out for yourself in Numbers 22:21 – 24:25. The back-story is that King Balak of Moab is afraid of the Israelites who are passing through his territory. He doesn’t have the courage to fight his own battle so asks Balaam, a man of God, to come and put a curse on them.

There’s one lesson – The Israelites weren’t even trying to engage the Moabites in battle, but the king was so threatened that he felt the need to lash out. He did not, however, have the courage to fight his own battle. One side of that is, don't fight battles that don't exist. The other is, when people are threatened, they will lash out, but because they don’t know how to fight fair, they will instead use personal attacks to cut you down.

Anyway, Balaam inquires of God, who tells him no (big surprise), but the king persists. Finally God agrees to let Balaam go with the king’s men, but only if he does exactly what God tells him to. Along the way, God finds the need to remind Balaam of his limitations and sends an angel to deliver the message, which only the donkey can see at first. The donkey is understandably freaked out and tries to run away, so Balaam beats him multiple times, until the donkey is finally able to speak out.

•First of all, I love that when Balaam’s donkey starts talking to him, he just starts talking back, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. What if we responded to God’s miracles like they were normal? (22:28-29)

•God will only make us withstand abuse for so long before he gives us the ability to speak up for ourselves (22:28).

•When Balaam’s donkey asks, “What have I done to you that deserves your beating me three times?” Balaam’s response is “You have made me look like a fool.” It wasn’t that what the donkey had done was wrong. It was simply that Balaam’s pride had been wounded. How often do we lash out at someone for hurting our pride, even if what they did was not wrong?

•Next, the donkey says, “But I am the same donkey you have ridden all your life … Have I ever done anything like this before?” “No,” Balaam admits. How often do we do this, as well? So the next time someone we know and love behaves in a way that is uncharacteristic, instead of getting angry and lashing out, perhaps we should consider that there is something else going on and pray for God to open our eyes to the spiritual reality of the situation, as God did for Balaam (22:31).

•The angel of the Lord says to Balaam, “Look, I have come to block your way because you are stubbornly resisting me.” Then Balaam confessed, “I have sinned. I didn’t realize you were standing in the road to block my way. I will return home if you are against my going.” When we continually come up against resistance, we need to consider that maybe God is blocking our path and be willing to go back if that’s what He’s asking of us. Of course, there are plenty of times when obstacles are meant to make us stronger, which is what makes the next point so important.

•Balaam was only allowed to say what God told him to say, and could only speak the message that God put in his mouth (22:35 & 38). We will only know whether we are on the right path if we are constantly inquiring of God and listening to what He is telling us … which we can only do by getting alone and undistracted with God so He can meet us there (23:3-4).

•Looking out over the people that Balak wanted him to curse, Balaam saw “a people who live by themselves, set apart from other nations.” The Israelites were God’s chosen people, with great promises in store for them. Being chosen, however, does not equal an easy life. We, too, are chosen (1 Peter 2:9), but that also means we will often feel isolated as we walk out God’s high calling on our lives.

•Every time that Balaam inquired of God, he received words of blessings for the Israelites instead of the curses that Balak desired. Balak kept trying to use different angles, but Balaam received only blessings. “Listen, I received a command to bless; God has blessed and I cannot reverse it! No misfortune is in His plan for Jacob; no trouble is in store for Israel. For the Lord their God is with them.” As God’s chosen people, the Israelites had been given an irrevocable destiny of blessing. So, no matter how much Balak wanted curses to be spoken over Israel, God could not go against His word. The same is true for us. No matter how much Satan tries to speak curses over our lives – no matter how many different angles he uses – God’s blessing cannot be removed. That’s not to say we can’t choose to walk in curses that others have spoken over us, but the fulfillment of God’s promises for us are as close as choosing to walk in the blessing HE has spoken over us.

•While Balaam was clearly a man who inquired of and heard from God, it was not until Balak’s third attempt to curse the Israelites that Balaam finally fully realized God’s determination to bless Israel, and relied on the Spirit instead of divination (24:1-2). Why, even though we have seen God’s blessing time and time again, do we continue to rely on our own strength?

•This time when Balaam delivered the blessing, it came from a “man whose eyes see clearly, the message of one who hears the words of God, who sees a vision from the Almighty, who bows down with eyes wide open.” I love that picture! God opened Balaam’s eyes back on the road (22:31) and told him only to say what he heard (22:35), but it was not until Balaam bowed in submission to God’s will that he could fully see. We will not be able to hear and see what God has for us until we are fully submitted to His will.

•When Balaam’s eyes were fully opened, he could finally see Israel the way that God could see them … as His beautiful chosen people (24:5-6). May our eyes be opened not only so we can see the greater spiritual realities around us (22:31), but also so we can see the way that God sees.

•Last, but not least, because Balaam was not able to deliver a curse, Balak tells him that God has kept him from his reward (24:11). Walking according to God’s purposes may mean forfeiting some earthly treasures, but may our heart be as Balaam’s: Even a palace filled with silver and gold is not worth more than saying (and doing) only what God has told us to! (24:13).

Sunday, March 7, 2010

here ...

a baby blog.


an altar.

a line in the sand.

marking the beginning of a journey

‘into the woods.’

with a rainbow through the clouds

reminding of God’s promises

to make ‘all things new.’

but pissed

to be completely honest.

what about the promise

to replace curses with blessings?

i have to hope.

Your ways are not my own.

if i do not

then Your words are not in me.

i am done not believing.

not knowing.

"ray charles? who's he?"

"nobody if you don't know."

you can only be a somebody

if you know who you are.

“i’ve never really talked in class before.”

“how does that make you feel?”

“here. it makes me feel here.”

i’m ready.

To journey. To remember. To hope. To believe. To know. To be …

HERE.