turning 30 ... and the best is yet to come!

thought it would be fun to look back at old journals from my birthday, and thought this one from my first year in nashville was interesting.

another day and another year older ...


i was just thinking about what i have to show for the last year. for starters, i’m here, and that’s saying a whole lot. really, looking back, i can probably say that i have more to show for this past year than i have for any other year i can remember.

while i’ve been really depressed by my spiritual growth - or lack thereof - i feel like i have grown emotionally by leaps and bounds. i truly stood up to my parents for the first time. i made my first significant dent in my weight since high school. i challenged myself to come out of hiding and ask for help.

this week has just been disheartening because i feel like i’ve gone back to ground zero in a lot of ways, but i can see now how God is calling me to grow in Him. i never want there to be a doubt in my mind as to whether He knew me or not (matthew 7:21-23). a lot of me is absolutely terrified of being ‘found out’ for the fraud that i feel like i am. but it’s not like there’s anything keeping me there. there’s no reason i can’t become a complete sayer and doer of the Word ... other than PRIDE!

i’m also realizing that i’ve gone back into hiding in a lot of ways because of everything that happened before i left, and i’m really gun shy about the whole serious friendship thing. i want friendships in which i can feel safe, but am so afraid to open myself up for another huge rejection. i’m having to fight my way back to vulnerability.

my birthday is now officially over - another unassuming day on the planet, save some cake and one sweet friend. here’s to a new beginning, and renewed passion, and fearless living, and dreams pursued, and God’s plan revealed. may next year hold even more promise than the last!

oh, how i love seeing the evidence of answered prayers - especially ones that i had forgotten, or feel that i was not faithful in praying. God truly does desire to fulfill the desires of our hearts, even the unspoken ones.

it still blows my mind to think that i live in nashville, and have been here for over 6 years. despite all the challenges and seeming setbacks and not being where i thought i’d be, i would never trade where i am. i love the huge ways that God has continued to grow me emotionally, as well as spiritually. there has been healing in the relationship with my parents, food no longer has a hold on me like it did for so long, and i have experienced more freedom than i ever thought possible. slowly but surely, God has been chipping away at my pride and insecurities, bringing me back out of hiding and into relationships where i can feel safe enough to be seen.

this has been another largely unassuming day on the planet, but with many, many more amazing friends. the past year has brought many new beginnings, renewed passion, [more] fearless living, dreams pursued, and God revealing more of His plan for me.

with blessings like that, every day is like a birthday. i cannot think of a better way to start my 30s.