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Thursday, September 8, 2011
to trust or not to trust? that is the question ... today, anyway.
an interesting thursday night that leaves me with a lot of questions, and not a lot of answers.
why is it so much easier to let some people speak into our lives than others? what creates that safe space where one person can point out a shortcoming without making you feel threatened, while you constantly feel the need to defend yourself with someone else? is it simply a matter of trust? and what establishes trust in one relationship versus another?
trust is defined as:
having confidence in; relying or depending on the integrity, strength, ability of someone or something
expecting confidently; hope
permitting to remain or go somewhere or to do something without fear of consequences
giving credit to someone for something
committing something to one’s care for use or safekeeping; responsibility
believing in the certainty of future payment
what feels most true for me is that if i can’t handle someone speaking into my life, it is because i am afraid of the consequences, not feeling that i can commit myself to their safekeeping. but that still doesn’t really answer the whys. or the hows. how is trust gained? how is it lost? how is it recovered?
you know, it’s awfully hard to trust someone who doesn’t trust you. and it can certainly rock your trust to discover that what you thought to be true of a relationship is actually not.
i guess it all boils down to this. “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (proverbs 3:5)
God is the only One you can completely trust 100% of the time. that’s not to say you should never trust people. in fact, 1 corinthians 13 says that love ‘always trusts’. we are called to love. therefore we are called to trust. it is God’s love that empowers us to trust, even when we’ve been hurt. that doesn’t mean continuing to trust blindly after that trust has been violated. if someone has not proven their ‘integrity, strength and/or ability’ then there is little in which to place your confidence. it is in those cases that you must trust the relationship to God.
that means not letting your head - your very limited human understanding - put up walls around your heart. because if your head is guarding your heart, then your heart won't be able to put its trust in God. to trust people, you must first trust God. completely.
what God speaks into our hearts and minds is ultimately the only thing that matters. and perhaps therein lies the answer to my first questions. what is the person’s motivation? it is a lot easier to hear from someone who is speaking from a place of desiring your best interest, versus someone who is speaking out of seeking their own best interest. it is much easier to trust someone who has no ulterior motives.
those are not final thoughts on the matter. just revelations along the way. what do you think? what makes it easier for you to let someone speak into your life? on what is trust built?
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To trust....
ReplyDeleteWhen I was much younger, junior high, we would play a game of trust among ourselves. This is superficial, I know, but makes an interesting illustration all the same.
I would occasionally get together with friends and we had an ongoing competition where one of us would be tied up and we would see how long it took to escape. This was all in fun, mind you. Each time one of us would take a turn and we would keep track of how long it took to get out. Of course, you were automatically disqualified if you couldn’t get out. Several of my friends went first. We had all practiced knot tying in scouts and it was fun to try to make it so they couldn’t get out, then watch them squirm. We would often leave them for a while if they couldn’t get out right away. Then, it was my turn.
This game was certainly the ultimate in giving up control and I knew I would be doing that, but I did not hesitate when my arms were pulled behind my back and my wrists were tied firmly together with rope. Then I was made to sit in a chair. My ankles were tied together and then my arms and legs were tied to the chair, leaving me quite well tied and unable to move much. My friends then stood back and chuckled as I squirmed against the ropes which held me tight. Then they told me keep trying to get out and they would be back later. Then they were gone and there I was, tied up and definitely not in control!
Despite the fact I like to be in control I am not claustrophobic so I didn’t really panic. When I realized I was really stuck I did get a little nervous for a time and then settled down. It was a helpless feeling as I sat there trying to figure out what to do and thinking “how did I get myself into this?” The ropes were much too tight to squeeze my hands through and I couldn’t see any of the knots or how they were tied behind my back, so my concentration was actually taken up by trying to figure out how I was tied and if there was a way to undo any of it. Believe it or not, that part was pretty fun!
I can honestly say that after the initial panic, I did feel more at peace with the situation even though I was not in control at all. As I sat there I knew that it was OK not to be in control. The worst that would likely happen would be that I would lose out to one of my friends, who got out faster, or I wouldn’t free myself at all but I would eventually be freed, or so I thought.
I sat there tied up for a long time and my friends didn’t come back. I continued to struggle. After all, I didn't have anything else to do! Eventually, after more than an hour, I managed to loosen the rope around one wrist enough to squeeze my hand free. No speed record, but I was at least free! My friends were impressed that I could get out at all, and because I was able to get out they eventually wanted to try again, so I got to be reminded of what it was like to give up control more than once!
Yes, I did agree to let them do it again!