bleach, a broom & belief ... part 1

***a day spent celebrating = pulling out my first ever blog post from way back when ...

Cleaning is therapeutic … I mean, who needs a couch when you have bleach and a broom? Aside from this groundbreaking realization, I realized several other things while cleaning the apartment and office this past weekend …

1) Repression is NOT mutually exclusive …

Unfortunately, when you … okay, when I … attempt to avoid one or more select emotions or parts of myself, I’ve discovered that I tend to lose touch with most or all of how I feel, and ultimately, who I am. So when I try to avoid rejection, anger, and disillusionment, or even enthusiasm and anticipation because of their possible negative outcomes, I also relinquish my joy and hope and peace. To be honest, the tradeoff is not really worth it and, in the end, the emotions I’m trying to avoid tend to win out anyway. And, by the time they do, I’m usually too far gone for the getting back to resemble anything close to easy. It’s amazing how quickly this process can occur. And it’s amazing what a seemingly insignificant event can precipitate the occurrence. In a matter of days, hours … even minutes … I have completely lost sight of all I thought I knew and held dear, which brings me to realization #2 …

2) God does not expect us to stand alone in living as He has called …

The Kingdom of heaven belongs to children (Matthew 19:14) … and children, by virtue, are innocent … but if you live innocently in today’s world, you’ll be eaten alive … huh …

To my detriment, I tend to trust and have faith in people unless they have proven me otherwise, forgetting that most everyone else lives by quite the opposite paradigm. I was unpleasantly reminded of my foolishness several times last week, and now I don’t know who or what to trust anymore, least of all myself. And in the midst of losing myself, I also managed to lose the only people and things I actually COULD trust. I seriously began to wonder what the point of living innocently was … turns out that David felt the same way …

Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. (Psalm 73:13)

But then I realized that our call to live innocently does not end with how we live. It is because of their innocence that children have parents to watch out for them … as do we. God has not asked us to be innocent without promising to be there as our Rock and Redeemer (Psalm 19:14b) when we stumble as a result …

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. (Psalm 116:8)

Also in chapter 19 (vv.7–8), I was reminded that when I don’t feel like I can trust anything else, God remains trustworthy, and that when avoidance has stripped me of all emotion, He will restore the joy to my heart …

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy

making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right,

giving joy to the heart.

… because, as I discovered in my next point, it is not God’s desire for His children to remain in despair …