the dream never dies ...

the only thing more painful than having a dream die, is having it brought back to life, yet continuing to deal with the apparent impossibility of its fulfillment.

i kind of touched on this the other day, but wanted to explore it in a bit more depth.

recently, through a series of seemingly ordinary events, an old dream - one i thought had died - has bubbled back to the surface. then, an aptly-timed phone call from a friend brought with it a completely unexpected wave of fresh longing and emotion.

it’s like i’m a little girl all over again. except now i know the pain of longing for something that everyone tells you that you can’t have. now i know the shame of longing for something that everyone tells you that you shouldn’t want. believe me, after being burned so many times by so many different people - by close friends and so-called friends, by bosses and professionals, and it even felt like by God - i was more than willing to lay down my dream and walk away. i didn’t want anything more to do with the dark cloud of fear and doubt that had seemed to follow me everywhere - and most likely follows me still. i’ve become quite content living without that particular dream, going so far as convincing myself that i wasn’t a real dream in the first place.

so why would i want to go back?

because a dream is a dream.

a dream held in secret i yearned to hold openly
fanned by my hope into fire
it burned with such heat i could touch it no more
so i put it away and then closed up the door
forever extinguishing all that would keep it alive
but the dream never dies

there are all sorts of examples of this in the Bible. abraham & sarah. moses & the israelites. joseph. zacharias & elizabeth. just to name a few. all of them longed for the fulfillment of a seemingly impossible dream that God had placed within their hearts. other people - and their own hearts - told them it was foolish to hope for something so ridiculous. they were convinced that they had been forgotten. they were tempted to take things into their own hands. and they were tempted to give up. but it’s hard to completely forget what God has spoken.

in moments like these, God is looking to see if we will really trust Him, not only for the fulfillment, but also for the pain as we wait for the fulfillment. He is refining us, asking us to rely completely on Him.

isn't it just like the Lord to invite me
to put all my dreams in His hands
forever releasing the grip that once held them
forever surrendering my plans
and then when He's certain it's not born of men
He calls for the fire to rekindle again
and He asks me to know in my heart
what's not seen with my eyes
so the dreams never dies

i have certainly been guilty of trying to take things into my own hands, and needed to have some things pried from my grasp. it took the death of my dream for God to be able to work the way that He needed to in my life. now that He has seen fit to rekindle the dream, it is taking more faith than ever to believe Him for it ... to believe with my heart - to keep it open and not guarded - even though i can’t see with my eyes.

what dreams are you believing God for? what dreams have you seen die that He might want to bring back to life? are you willing to let Him do that, as painful as it might be?