happily ever after?

when you watch one of your best friends get ready for her wedding, it gives you a lot to think about.

today’s thought: why do we think that the relationship with our intended will be any different from all the other relationships in our life?

we struggle with trust, with vulnerability, with knowing how to handle conflict, or whatever else it might be in every single one of our other relationships. of course those issues are going to come into play - and on an even greater level - with the one we marry. we’ve been painted this picture of happily ever after - by the media, by our friends, and even by our churches. and it’s a picture that simply does not exist. that’s not to say that a happy marriage is not possible. it just means that happily ever after does not equal perfection ever after.

consider this. if you find yourself consistently dealing with a particular issue with your family or friendships, is it really fair to expect that you won’t face those same issues with your potential mate? yet how often do we consider calling it quits just because we come up against something uncomfortable? we don’t chuck our friends to the curb every time we run into hard times with them. why are we less willing to live with imperfections in our dating and marriage relationships than we are in our friendships?

i believe it is because friendships are less likely to fall prey to unrealistic expectations. granted, a lot of people try and impose their idea of what friendship should look like ... with dire results. but for the most part, we are able to simply appreciate each other’s company - differences, quirks, issues and all. we say, ‘hey, i like you. we connect well. let’s enjoy life together.’

so why do we treat our dating and marriage relationships any differently? isn’t that liking, that connection, that commitment enough to make you want to figure things out? this is the person you were convinced that you would spend the rest of your life with. is what you do or don’t want really worth more than what you could gain together?

ultimately, the dating/marriage relationship should be entered into with more grace, more understanding, more love.

a friend posted this quote from the shack on facebook tonight. "so many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows & love simply expands to contain it. love is just the skin of knowing.” as the two of you get to know each other more, don’t be so quick to let the little things get in the way. and don’t be so quick to let the big things get in the way, either. it’s not going to be the way they tell you in the movies. it’s going to be so much better.

all this, of course, coming from someone with little dating experience. but i do know how my expectations have been effected by what i’ve seen and been told, and it was good for me to realize that i’m going to come up against hard things with whomever i’m with - friends, family or otherwise. it’s not about whether or not you have hard things. it’s about having someone who you are able to walk through the hard things with.