the freedom of freedom ...

there’s a line from the indigo girls song ‘watershed’ that says, “every five years or so i look back on my life, and i have a good laugh.” looking back at my old journals, that has certainly been the case for me. nothing like being reminded of how foolish you once were to make you feel incredibly humble. and grateful.

i can say with confidence that i am not who i once was. thank God.

that’s not to say that i don’t still have things that i’m working on. we all do. if we were perfect, we’d be in heaven. but i am so thankful for friends who see my flaws, and love me anyway. and i am so thankful to God for teaching me how to love others exactly where they are, with no judgments and no expectations. it’s amazing how much freedom you can find for yourself when you extend it to those around you.

tonight i was not-so coincidentally reminded of the amy grant song called ‘what the angels see’. “if i could see what the angels see. behind these walls, to you and me. and let the truth set me free. well i would live life differently.” if we could learn to look at each other from a heavenly perspective, we would be able to see past the walls that we put up to protect ourselves. we would stop buying into the lies that keep us apart, and we would start living our lives based on what God says to be true.

THAT is what the past 5 (well, 6 really) years has been about for me.

it started with a single choice. truth over lie. and then another and another. i stopped always assuming the worst about people and situations, and started choosing to believe the best. it wasn’t always easy, and it definitely was not without pain. but like an earlier line from ‘watershed’ says, “when you're learning to face the path at your pace, every choice is worth your while.”

all these thoughts were rolling around inside my head as i drove to the store after school. ‘lift me up’ by the afters came on the radio. (apparently today’s blog is song-centered.) i was struck by the first part of the second verse:

i know i’m not perfect
i know i make mistakes
i know that i have let you down
but you love me the same

and then as the bridge hit:

i can see the dawn is breaking
i am feeling overtaken with your love, with your love
i don’t know what i can offer
in this moment i surrender to your love, to your love

i looked over to see this -

after that, on top of a friend’s encouragement this afternoon, and an unexpected, divinely-timed phone call from another tonight, my heart is literally bursting at the seams with gratitude for what God has done in my life. when you have lived in bondage to expectations for so long - both as the placer and the one placed upon - the fresh realization of freedom is enough to literally bring you to your knees in surrender.

and there is nothing i want more than to see those around me experience that same sweet freedom from the lies that have held them down for so long. what will you choose to believe today?