embracing the contrast ...

so, steve jobs died today. interesting that i had already planned this as my blog post ...

fall is my absolute favorite time of year to run. (of course, i’ll probably say the same thing when springtime rolls around.) but after a long, hot, humid summer, there’s just something about the crisp morning sunrises, the clear blue skies, the ability to run at any time of day without worrying about the heat, and the beautiful fall colors that puts a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

even though it is a season of dying, it still feels so full of life. there are new colors, new tastes, new smells, new sensations. the harvest is gathered, bringing life to those that planted, as well as to all those who will enjoy the fruits of their labor. plants are cut back and the ground is turned over, preparing for new life after winter has passed. people decorate with corn husks and hay bales, finding beauty in what is left behind.

ecclesiastes 3 reminds us “for everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven ...

a time to be born and a time to die.
a time to plant and a time to harvest.
a time to kill and a time to heal.
a time to tear down and a time to build up.
a time to cry and a time to laugh.
a time to grieve and a time to dance.
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
a time to embrace and a time to turn away.
a time to search and a time to quit searching.
a time to keep and a time to throw away.
a time to tear and a time to mend.
a time to be quiet and a time to speak.
a time to love and a time to hate.
a time for war and a time for peace. (vv. 1-8)

with fall, as we are reminded that all things must come to an end, there are also numerous promises of renewal to carry us through until spring comes again.

this morning on our run, we noted a particularly vibrant new addition to the autumn landscape. there was a plant that had been turning a brilliant shade of red as it was dying. today, we were surprised to see that it was now full of little yellow flowers.

without its death, this beautiful new life would not have been possible.

the beauty of life lies in the contrast. we cannot truly appreciate joy without also experiencing grief. we cannot truly appreciate healing without also experiencing sickness. we cannot truly appreciate quiet without also experiencing commotion.

i recently stumbled across this prayer that i wrote some time ago.

“thank you, God, for Your faithfulness in bringing me at least a glimpse of the hope for which i long, and help me remember that hope is not nearly as sweet without first experiencing the despair.”

i thank God for the hard times, because i know they make me appreciate the good times that much more. embrace the contrast.

the death of steve jobs is amplified by the greatness of his life. may we all be challenged to live in such a way.

will the real c-tine please stand up ...

after being ‘accused’ of marching to my own beat several times tonight, i thought this poem that i wrote in junior high would be appropriate ... :)

identity

i’d rather not follow the crowd,
even if shunned by everyone,
than be faced again with uncertainty ...

the uncertainty that says nothing is sure,
beckons to follow the lights that lie,
and the shadows that deceive.

i’d rather be exposed to the madness,
yet not swayed by it.
standing strong against the world.

let them walk where they might
always lost, unsure, questioning; why?
drifting aimlessly with the current.

i’d rather be walking in the light,
along the straight and narrow way,
hand in hand with my Father and Friend.

i’d rather let Him bring change in me,
than be changed by the world.
to grow. to learn. to let His shine through.

i’d rather be what He has made me to be.

isn’t it always the case that no matter how much the dark seasons of our lives might try to cover up and steal away our true selves, they’re going to come out one way or another?

mine just happens to come out through food.

even when i have a hard time expressing myself in other ways, if you give me a table (or menu) full of ingredients, my uniqueness will rise to the surface. i wrote this poem after coming out of my first (and darkest) struggle with depression. i had lost myself during that time, and was rediscovering (or discovering) and learning to assert my identity. i wrote this probably a year after that poem ...

there are some people out there who are already sure what they want to do, but i’m not too worried about that. the important thing is that i keep my hope for the future. three years ago, i know i could not have looked at my future in such light. it was overwhelming and ominous. now, i don’t have to worry about it because i know that God is in charge of it. all i know is that He has a perfect plan for my life, and just need to follow His will. over the past three years, i have really come to rediscover myself as a person. i think i can say that i have come away stronger and more mature. i have learned a lot of really important lessons and gained strong values that i know will carry me for the rest of my life. i now believe that i can face whatever comes my way, because i am facing it with God. there are so many pages of my life yet to be written, and i cannot even begin to imagine what the future has in store, but i can’t wait!

oh, if i had only kept these words at the forefront of my mind throughout the years. i have ‘lost’ myself more times than i care to admit. but i’ve also probably never been as far gone as i felt. i just forget sometimes. or i get uncomfortable with the ‘real’ me that i see, and so i hide. identity isn’t some big discovery. it’s just learning to be okay with who you are.

becoming comfortable in your own skin inevitably involves some growing pains. until i figure it out, you can find me in the kitchen ...

an even greater advocate ...

prophetic ministry is definitely not something i grew up with, and is certainly something that can be abused, but since moving to nashville i have seen too much evidence of the Holy Spirit moving in that way to deny its existence. the evidences in my own life alone are enough to make me believe.

for example ...

a month or so ago, i attended a prophetic service at my church. the visiting pastor had a word he had heard from God for each person in attendance. my word had to do with having a pastor’s heart, being a teacher, reaching children, and money from writing grants. then, at the end, he threw in a bit about a medical company that was going to be very kind to me. with my recent medical history, i was very curious as to what that might mean. while talking to my mom last week, it hit me.

in spite of all the continued frustrations, there has been one point of encouragement. two months ago, when i went to my regular doctor’s office about my pleurisy, they put me with one of their new associates. from the beginning, i have been so incredibly impressed with her attentiveness. she doesn’t just rush through our appointments - as is most often the case anymore - but has been very thorough with every examination and set of questions. when things didn’t get better, she took a more aggressive approach instead of just continuing with the same treatment. when things started improving, she still wanted answers to why the problem had presented in the first place. when she didn’t have the answers, she was willing to admit it and determined to get to the bottom of things. this weekend, she responded to an email after hours with, “we will figure this out together, do not worry.” it literally brought tears to my eyes. i cannot tell you how refreshing it is to finally have an advocate after 10 years of doctors not following through.

if that’s not a medical company being kind to me, i don’t know what is.

God is so sweet like that. He has given us the greatest advocate we will ever have, as long as we are looking for and to Him.

and I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. the world cannot receive Him, because it isn’t looking for Him and doesn’t recognize Him. but you know Him, because He lives with you now and later will be in you. (john 14:16-17)

even though i have my little freak-out moments, in the end i can’t help but trust Him. His examination of us is thorough (search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. [psalm 139:23-24]). and He will take the most aggressive approach necessary to get to the root of our issues so that we can enjoy the freedom of life in Him.

i know that He will come through. He always does. it might not look exactly like what i thought. but He’s never left me hanging once.

“we will figure this out together, do not worry.”

when everything isn't everything ...

another doctor’s visit. another set of questions without answers.

for a good portion of the last 10 years, i’ve struggled with bouts of extreme fatigue and malaise. i’ve been to numerous doctors, and had numerous tests run, with some abnormal results, but none that anyone has ever bothered to pursue. they’ve tried a couple things, but nothing has worked. it’s terribly frustrating. every time i get my hopes up about finally getting some answers, the door is slammed in my face yet again.

i’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

now, don’t get me wrong. i know that i am a very healthy person comparatively. i don’t take for granted that i am in great shape, can get out and run, and have incredibly good genes. and i don’t mean to complain when i know that there are people who have life-threatening illnesses and/or are in excruciating pain daily. it’s just hard when i can’t function at my fullest potential. i practically have to put toothpicks in my eyelids to make it through an afternoon, and most runs are a chore rather than a boost. this certainly doesn’t feel like “life to the full” that Jesus promised in john 10:10.

then today - on my run, no less - i was thinking about philippians 4:13 -

for i can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (NLT)

Christians most often take that to mean that they can literally do anything and everything because of Christ. while it’s true that we have access to all heavenly power and riches through Christ, i don’t think that’s quite what this verse is saying. let’s look at it in the NIV ...

i can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

now, what exactly is “this”?

i am not saying this because i am in need, for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (vv. 12-13)

so it’s not that Christ gives us the strength to DO everything. it’s that He gives us the strength to be content IN everything. that’s not to say that He doesn’t give us strength. but He doesn’t go around making Christians into superheroes, either. He gives each person the strength to live his or her own life. God will ask us to do things that require full reliance on Him for strength, but it’s not Godly to run yourself into the ground doing things that He hasn’t asked or given you strength to do.

so i’m reminded yet again that i need to be content with exactly how things are, whether completely healthy or exhausted, with answers or without. i know that God will give me the strength i need to do the things He is asking me to do, and it’s okay if i’m not doing ‘more’. He has always come through in the past, and i know that He will continue to do so as long as i continue to stay within His will.

everything sad is coming untrue ...

today, a friend posted a quote from her daughter:

think of others and they will think of you.

then i turned on the tv, and ‘pay it forward’ was just starting.

i saw this movie a long time ago, but remember being very impacted by it. a little 7th grade boy, trevor, has the idea to do something good for three people, and the only thanks he asks is that they in turn do something good for three more people, and so on. you’ve probably heard about paying it forward at the drive-thru, getting the next person’s drink, or whatever. but think about if you did something that really made a difference? the lives of over 1.5 million people could be changed in just 13 steps.

and it all starts with thinking of others.

you can’t plan it. you just have to keep an eye on people more. because they can’t always see what they need. it’s your big chance to fix something that’s not like your bike. you can fix a person. (trevor - pay it forward)

now, of course, no one can ever really fix another person. but when you are attentive to the world around you, you have the chance to take a step into someone else’s pain.

it makes me think about the song ‘fix you’ by coldplay.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

you have the chance to show someone what they’re worth. you have the chance to be the light that guides someone home.

of course, that means banking on the word and goodness of others.

but that’s what love is.

it “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 corinthians 13:7)

in love, God sent His Son to die for us knowing that not everyone would take Him up on His offer. but He did it anyway, because He knew that some would, and that they would tell others.

trevor came up with the idea because of a social studies project, but he says “i don’t care about the grade. i just wanted to see if the world could really change.” i won’t tell you what happens, but i will say that in a very short period of time, he was able to make a far greater impact than he knew.

that may seem overwhelming, but it starts with just one person. we have the opportunity to make that same kind of impact. we have the opportunity to change the world.

as jason gray says in his song ‘everything sad is coming untrue’

from the war torn city streets
to the trash the slum dogs eat ...
and in rwanda’s killing fields

everything that i thought i knew ...
everything sad is coming untrue

when we learn to live again
and let forgiveness win
there’s no wound that love won’t mend
and finally redeem

the power is ours.

i smile ...

i woke up to this status from my dear friend bria, who is now serving as a long-term missionary in ukraine:

feeling very melancholy & sentimental today. i miss nashville.
... i woke up from a dream this morning that was “old days nashville” ... circa 2008-ish. some of the best days ever. made my heart hurt. <3


later in the day, a friend who is having a hard time embracing the new and letting go of the old sent this text:

don’t cry because it’s over. smile because it happened. (dr. seuss)

then, tonight, i went to hear some friends sing and speak at a coffee shop, and one of them used the same exact quote when she shared.

i sense a theme.

and a particularly interesting one given that this will be a weekend full of walks down memory lane with friends from those ‘glory days’. i guess God wants me to have some good perspective going in.

the truth is, i have had an overabundance of reasons to smile ... which can make it that much harder to not cry when it comes time to let go, for whatever reason. it’s so difficult to move out of one season into another, trying to hold onto the joy while managing the inevitable sorrow. sometimes it’s hard to trust that there will be just as many reasons to smile in the new one. and that just because there are new reasons doesn’t mean that the old ones have any less value.

i think about how the disciples must have felt when Jesus tried to explain that He was going away.

“don’t let your hearts be troubled. trust in God, and trust also in me. there is more than enough room in my Father’s home. if this were not so, would i have told you that i am going to prepare a place for you? when everything is ready, i will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where i am. and you know the way to where i am going.” (john 14:1-4)

just like there will be enough room for everyone in God’s house, there is more than enough room for everyone in our lives and all the moments we get to share. people come and people go, but no one can steal the joy they bring to our lives. and while it can be painful to let go, we can rest in knowing that the next thing will be greater and is making us more into who we were meant to be, thus bringing glory to the Father.

“i tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works i have done, and even greater works, because i am going to be with the Father. you can ask for anything in my name, and i will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. (john 14:12-13)

so, this weekend, i will treasure all the smiles shared as we reflect on all that has happened, while looking forward with expectation at all the smiles to come.

this is now!

“to my detriment, i tend to trust and have faith in people unless they have proven me otherwise.”

this is a line from the blog i posted sunday, which was originally written 4 1/2 years ago. it made me sad to remember that is truly how i used to be, and how much of that i have lost since moving to nashville. no matter how many times i had been hurt in the past, i managed to hold onto my basic - albeit naive - trust in other people. while it often took me a while to warm up, my heart was not so guarded or hardened.

the group 33miles released the song 'this is now' about the same time that i wrote my blog. though i had heard it many times before, i remember listening to it in the car one day as i cried out to God about how i had been betrayed by those i trusted, and was now watching my dreams slip through my fingers. it felt like He was speaking these words to my heart.

YOU WERE ALL ALONE
YOU WERE CONSTANTLY BROKEN
YOU FELT SO UNLOVED
YOU WERE LEFT ABANDONED

WHAT A DIFFERENCE LOVE CAN MAKE
TO THE DEEP HEARTBREAK BACK THEN

THIS IS NOW
THIS IS HOPE
THIS IS THE END OF A LONGING
THE BEGINNING OF A ROAD
TO A CHANGE,
WHERE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU,
NO LONGER FALLING DOWN
THIS IS NOW
THIS IS NOW

YOU'RE ALLOWED TO DREAM
YOU CAN THINK OF TOMORROW
YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO ALL OF YOUR SORROWS

THATS THE DIFFERENCE LOVE CAN MAKE
TO THE HURT YOU'VE HELD WITHIN

THIS IS NOW
THIS IS HOPE
THIS IS THE END OF A LONGING
THE BEGINNING OF A ROAD
TO A CHANGE
WHERE EVERY CHAIN AROUND YOU
NO LONGER HAS YOU BOUND
THIS IS NOW

God wanted to heal my heartbreak. He wanted me to dream. He wanted me to be free. but my walls were up, and it has taken me a long time to get back.

almost exactly a year ago, i heard them do that song at a show. the circumstances were so ridiculously ironic - surrounded by the same people who had hurt me so much 4 1/2 years ago - but this time there was hope. i wasn’t alone. i wasn’t broken. i wasn’t unloved or abandoned. love had truly made a difference to the heartbreak i had experienced back then. and though it feels like it’s been such a long time coming, i’m so thankful to be on the road to change.

i’m starting to dream. my sorrows are falling away. and so are the chains. i'm finding i can trust again.

and God promises the same for you.

my little mirrors ...

one of my favorite parts of being in the classroom is trying to figure out where kids fit. not that i ever want to stereotype or generalize, but it’s so interesting to guess which kids are (or will be) in which groups - popular vs. not popular, geeks, jocks, pretty, plain, wallflower, outcast - and why.

i find it particularly interesting because the groups definitely don’t seem as delineated as they did when i was in school. maybe that’s because i’m just not with most of them enough to really see them interact. or maybe that’s because the groups we fall into have more to do with our perceptions of ourselves and living up to perceived expectations. we’re dealt a certain hand of cards by our parents, and those are the ones we’re convinced that we have to play for the rest of our lives. but the good news is, we can choose to become more than who we’ve been.

but you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. you are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. as a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light. once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy. (1 peter 2:9-10)

my absolute favorite part of watching kids is deciding which one is most like me when i was that age, especially because it reminds me just how much God has saved me from. today was full of such reminders. i was the girl who was such a perfectionist that she had to stay in from recess to finish her work. i was the girl who got so upset with myself for getting a ‘b’ that i would do physical harm to myself. i was the girl who had to keep up with the boys. i was the girl who always argued with the teacher and other kids because i had to be right.

okay, so some of those still tend to be true, but by God’s grace He is bringing me out, painful lesson by painful lesson. i’m definitely not a fan of having to look at the crappy parts of myself, but seeing them in my young counterparts serves as good motivation to keep moving forward. it also helps me know how to pray more specifically for those students. as much as possible, i want them to be saved from my mistakes, my heartaches. i pray that their eyes be opened and their hearts be softened, just as i pray the same for myself as i interact with them each day. it’s easy to get so lost and worn out by the routine that i forget about the mission.

so let’s not get tired of doing what is good. at just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. (galatians 6:9)

may i always remember that there are precious little lives on the line.

bleach, a broom & belief ... part 2

*** in the first part of this post, i talked about losing yourself and the challenge of living as God has called in spite of the pain. in the second part, i talk about how He works in and through that pain ...

3) God is just as heartbroken as I am

I’ve wanted to hear Bethany Dillon’s newest release since it came out, but didn’t get my hands on it until this past weekend (not a coincidence). The album as a whole is what helped me turn the corner back to God initially, but this line from “New” is what softened my heart dramatically …

“You see all my pain, You cry over it for hours till I'm new again”

Somewhere along the line, I had forgotten that God does not enjoy inflicting pain on His children or stand by passively as they struggle. Not only does he record every tear …

Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll – are they not in your record? (Psalm 56:8)

… but He is also moved to tears on our behalf, desiring that our souls find peace in Him …

He wept over it and said, “If you had only known on this day what would bring you peace” (Luke 19:41-42)

I longed for that peace, but at the same time had been avoiding (imagine that) sorting through the emotions that I knew would be involved in getting there. There was so much anger in my heart, but I didn’t know whether I was more angry with myself, others, or God … and I didn’t really want to find out. When I finally forced myself to sit down and journal, I started by reading through some entries from two months ago …

“Two weeks ago it felt like my hopes and dreams were crashing down around me … I truly believe this was … a test from God to see if I would cling to His promises, what I know to be true in my heart, and press in instead of giving in to despair … There have been too many strategically placed occurrences in my life for me not to see God’s hand clearly moving. I don’t know where this is going, but am eager to hang on for the ride!”

… and when I got done all I could think was 1) what a freakin’ hypocrite, and 2) this ride SUCKS! So, that’s the frame of mind with which I began my journal entry, but fortunately, not where it ended. In the course of writing, I realized that the things I thought God was using to bring about positive changes in one area of my life were actually about breaking me down …

He tears me down on every side till I am gone; He uproots my hope like a tree. (Job 19:10)

… and seeing if I would still trust and believe Him with a MUCH bigger area of my life. It was SUCH a relief to realize that I was more angry with God than with myself or anyone else, and I went to bed with a light heart for the first time in weeks. Granted, things are far from resolved, but I actually trust God with my heart again and believe that the damage is not irreparable.

“Thank you, God, for Your faithfulness in bringing me at least a glimpse of the hope for which I long, and help me remember that hope is not nearly as sweet without first experiencing the despair.”

facing the giants ...

yesterday was my church’s last day in the building where they’ve held their services for the past 6 1/2 years. what a strange mixture of emotions that involved. i know that church is not about a building, but about the people that occupy it. still, i’m such a sentimental fool. my first sunday in nashville was their grand opening in the main auditorium, so it’s all i’ve ever known here. my time in nashville has been the most transformational 6 years of my life, and most of that would not be possible without my new river family. i started attending without knowing a soul, which was a really big deal for me, but it felt like home and i’ve just made so many memories in the building over the years that it was hard to leave.

but leaving the building doesn’t mean leaving the memories. i get to carry those with me. and i get to make new ones, in a new place. this past year has been about healing, so it seems fitting to start this next season with a clean slate. i remember with deep gratitude all that God has done, while looking forward with great expectation to all that He will do!

but, for old times’ sake, i dug up my notes from MAX LUCADO speaking on grand opening sunday.

*Facing Giants*
(1 samuel 17)

- david didn’t come looking for giants to fight; he was just being obedient to his father
- what do giants look like?
~ dominate the landscape
~ intimidate the people
~ contaminate their hopes
- how are you handling your giant?
~ if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten
~ david had to use a different strategy to defeat goliath

5 stones ... just look at your hand

THUMB - PAST
- draw strength from looking at the past
- david’s past victories brought him peace
- (stress hampers memory)

POINTER - PRAYER
pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. (ephesians 6:18)
- don’t face the giant without facing God first
- takes us from the cell of this earth and gives us a glimpse of God’s goodness
- choose to turn your focus from worry to God

RING - PRIORITY
- realize that the only thing on the line is God’s reputation; He will not allow His name to be defamed
- we are not promised a life without giants; only that God will fight them with you
this day the LORD will deliver you up into my hands ... for the battle is the LORD’S and He will give you into our hands. (1 samuel 17:46a & 47b)

RING - PASSION
then it happened when the philistine rose and came and drew near to meet david, that david ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the philistine. (1 samuel 17:48)
- when was the last time you ran toward your giant and said ‘enough! you don’t get me today because God already has me!’
- don’t be afraid of that which God has already claimed, promised & defeated

PINKIE - PERSISTENCE
- being prepared if your first stone doesn’t quite work

this is a good reminder for our body as we move forward. we must draw strength from the past, using it to propel us toward whatever the future may hold for us, confident that God is fighting with us, and will maintain the reputation of His name. and above all, we must never give up!

bleach, a broom & belief ... part 1

***a day spent celebrating = pulling out my first ever blog post from way back when ...

Cleaning is therapeutic … I mean, who needs a couch when you have bleach and a broom? Aside from this groundbreaking realization, I realized several other things while cleaning the apartment and office this past weekend …

1) Repression is NOT mutually exclusive …

Unfortunately, when you … okay, when I … attempt to avoid one or more select emotions or parts of myself, I’ve discovered that I tend to lose touch with most or all of how I feel, and ultimately, who I am. So when I try to avoid rejection, anger, and disillusionment, or even enthusiasm and anticipation because of their possible negative outcomes, I also relinquish my joy and hope and peace. To be honest, the tradeoff is not really worth it and, in the end, the emotions I’m trying to avoid tend to win out anyway. And, by the time they do, I’m usually too far gone for the getting back to resemble anything close to easy. It’s amazing how quickly this process can occur. And it’s amazing what a seemingly insignificant event can precipitate the occurrence. In a matter of days, hours … even minutes … I have completely lost sight of all I thought I knew and held dear, which brings me to realization #2 …

2) God does not expect us to stand alone in living as He has called …

The Kingdom of heaven belongs to children (Matthew 19:14) … and children, by virtue, are innocent … but if you live innocently in today’s world, you’ll be eaten alive … huh …

To my detriment, I tend to trust and have faith in people unless they have proven me otherwise, forgetting that most everyone else lives by quite the opposite paradigm. I was unpleasantly reminded of my foolishness several times last week, and now I don’t know who or what to trust anymore, least of all myself. And in the midst of losing myself, I also managed to lose the only people and things I actually COULD trust. I seriously began to wonder what the point of living innocently was … turns out that David felt the same way …

Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. (Psalm 73:13)

But then I realized that our call to live innocently does not end with how we live. It is because of their innocence that children have parents to watch out for them … as do we. God has not asked us to be innocent without promising to be there as our Rock and Redeemer (Psalm 19:14b) when we stumble as a result …

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. (Psalm 116:8)

Also in chapter 19 (vv.7–8), I was reminded that when I don’t feel like I can trust anything else, God remains trustworthy, and that when avoidance has stripped me of all emotion, He will restore the joy to my heart …

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy

making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right,

giving joy to the heart.

… because, as I discovered in my next point, it is not God’s desire for His children to remain in despair …

psalm 107 ... let the redeemed of the Lord SAY SO!!!

i just love rediscovering parts of scripture for the first time all over again.

psalm 107 might be by new favorite passage. it’s so incredibly encouraging, and such a good reminder to ‘say so’ because of all that God has done for me. (vv. 1-32, 43)

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His lovingkindness is everlasting. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary. And gathered from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.

They wandered in the wilderness in a desert region; they did not find a way to an inhabited city. They were hungry and thirsty; their soul fainted within them. 



Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble; He delivered them out of their distresses. He led them also by a straight way, to go to an inhabited city.

Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.

There were those who dwelt in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in misery and chains, because they had rebelled against the words of God and spurned the counsel of the Most High ... 



Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their bands apart.



Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! For He has shattered gates of bronze and cut bars of iron asunder.

Fools, because of their rebellious way, and because of their iniquities, were afflicted. Their soul abhorred all kinds of food, and they drew near to the gates of death. 



Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. 



Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! Let them also offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of His works with joyful singing.

Those who go down to the sea in ships, who do business on great waters; they have seen the works of the LORD, and His wonders in the deep. For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths; their soul melted away in their misery. They reeled and staggered like a drunken man, and were at their wits’ end. 



Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet, so He guided them to their desired haven. 



Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! Let them extol Him also in the congregation of the people, and praise Him at the seat of the elders.

if you feel like you are wandering in the desert, alone and in need of sustenance, cry out to Him and He will deliver you. if you feel like you are surrounded by the darkness of death and captivity, cry out to Him and He will save you. if you feel like your own sin and rebellion have led you into destruction, you can STILL cry out to Him and He will save you. if you feel like you are being tossed by the waves in any area of life and are at your wits‘ end, cry out to Him and He will bring you out.

He wants to redeem us, fill us, free us, deliver us, and quiet us. We need only cry out to Him.



Who is wise? Let him give heed to these things, and consider the lovingkindnesses of the LORD.

waiting on the shore ...

i’m returning to john 6, and a portion of the passage that jumped out at me after writing monday night.

after feeding the 5,000 it says, “that evening Jesus’ disciples went down to the shore to wait for Him. but as darkness fell and Jesus still hadn’t come back, they got into the boat and headed across the lake toward capernaum. soon a gale swept down upon them, and the sea grew very rough. they had rowed three or four miles when suddenly they saw Jesus walking on the water toward the boat. they were terrified, but he called out to them, “don’t be afraid. I am here!” then they were eager to let him in the boat, and immediately they arrived at their destination! (john 6:16-21)

how often are we just like the disciples. we are ready to cross over to the other side of our dreams, but instead of sticking with Jesus and staying about His business, we head down to the shore ahead of Him, waiting aimlessly. then things start getting dark. we wonder if Jesus is ever going to show up again. so we decide to cross over on our own, thinking we can do it without His help. unfortunately, this is usually when the storms arise in our lives and things start to get rough. we try and try in our own strength to get through the difficulties and to the other side, but with very little headway. and then Jesus shows up, right on time. of course, by this point, things feel so far gone that we’re afraid of what He will say or do. we’re ashamed of the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. but Jesus, in His infinite kindness, graciously calms our fears and assures us of His presence. now we are more than ready to have Him in our boat. and now He is ready to bring us to the other side, free of turmoil and striving.

when we will learn that we can’t do it by ourselves? and why would we want to?

do you not know? have you not heard?
the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. (isaiah 40:28-29)

when we have this kind of power available to us, why would we ever try to do it in our own strength?

for thus says the LORD, ‘when seventy years have been completed for babylon, i will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. for I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’ (jeremiah 29:11)

this may be cliche, but it's true. He has good things for us ... if only we will wait on Him. you might feel like you’ve been waiting forever, but He has not forgotten about you. even if you can’t see what He’s doing, know that His ultimate purposes are being carried out, and that He is working to fulfill His good word to you.

THAT is definitely worth the wait ...

fighting for a good day ...

some days are just good. you ‘wake up on the right side of the bed’ as they say. it’s friday. the sun is shining in a clear blue sky. you get ready super-quickly, giving you time to swing by your favorite coffee shop on the way to work, where you wind up getting a free drink. your boss is out of town, so your day is easy, and you spend all day looking forward to meeting friends after work.

and some days are just destined to be bad. it’s tuesday. you stayed up late working on a project, then sleep through your alarm. it’s raining and your umbrella is in the car. you spill coffee on your white shirt as you stumble out the door. traffic is awful. your boss yells at you as soon as you walk through the door. and you are already dreading having to stay late for a meeting.

but then there are days that could go either way. you wake up. you get ready. you go to work. you do your work. you go home. you eat dinner. you go to bed. it has its little annoyances, like any day. whether it becomes good or bad is entirely up to you.

you have to fight for it to be a good day.

at work, one of my little friends requires an extra measure of patience and ingenuity. it’s like getting a physical and mental workout every day. on good days, it’s so much easier to keep things from spiraling out of control. on bad days, it’s all i can do not to tear out my hair. but then there are those days that could go either way. they have many of the same annoyances and difficulties. it’s all about fighting to maintain a positive attitude and keep my head in the game. i still have to wrestle physically and mentally, but it’s worth it when i can still walk away from the day with a smile on my face.

at a football game last friday night, i watched what can happen when you don’t do this. the teams were fairly evenly matched. in the first quarter, our team made a series of silly little mistakes that allowed the other team to take the lead, but the game was far from lost. unfortunately, we let those annoyances and difficulties get the best of us. \we lost our positive attitude. we didn’t keep our heads in the game. we had a chance but let it slip through our fingers. things were over long before the final whistle ever blew.

how easily can a day get away from us like that before we even know what hit us? and how do you keep it from happening? it’s going into it saying, “God, i’m tired, and this is going to be hard. i’m going to need your help to get me through it.” you’ll probably still have to fight for the day to be good. however, i’ve found that the days that start out rough can become your best day ever because God showed up.

will you let Him?

the one true king ...

i went to see lion king on the big screen tonight. i’ve been looking forward to this since i first heard about its re-release to theaters over 6 months ago. so naturally, that is what tonight’s post will be about. it was so much fun singing and dancing (quietly in my seat, of course) along with all the songs i remember. but i was particularly struck by the exchange between rafiki (the baboon) and simba when rafiki comes to find simba and bring him back home.

Simba: Creepy little monkey. Will you stop following me? Who are you?
Rafiki: The question is - Whooo... are you?
Simba: I thought I knew. Now I'm not so sure.
Rafiki: Well, I know who you are. Shh. Come here. It's a secret.
Asante sana! Squash banana! We we nugu! Mi mi apana!
Simba: Enough already. what's that supposed to mean, anyway?
Rafiki: It means you are a baboon - and I'm not.
Simba: I think... you're a little confused.
Rafiki: Wrong. I'm not the one who's confused; you don't even know who you are. 

Simba: Oh, and I suppose you know?
Rafiki: Sure do; you're Mufasa's boy. ... Bye!
Simba: Hey, wait! You knew my father?
Rafiki: Correction-- I know your father.
Simba: I hate to tell you this, but... he died. A long time ago.
Rafiki: Nope. Wrong again! Ha ha hah! He's alive! And I'll show him to you. You follow old Rafiki, he knows the way. Come on! {Rafiki motions to Simba near some reeds. He parts the reeds and points past them with his staff.}

Rafiki: Look down there.

{Simba quietly and carefully works his way out. He looks over the edge and sees his reflection in a pool of water.}

Simba: That's not my father. That's just my reflection.

Rafiki: Noo. Look harder.
{Rafiki motions over the pool. Ripples form, distorting Simba's reflection; they resolve into Mufasa's face.} You see, he lives in you.

{Simba is awestruck. The wind picks up. In the air the huge image of Mufasa is forming from the clouds.}

Mufasa: {Quietly at first} Simba . . .

Simba: Father?

Mufasa: Simba, you have forgotten me.

Simba: No. How could I?

Mufasa: You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. 

Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.

Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king.


how quickly and easily we forget who we are. we spend so much time and energy running away from our past, and the distorted image it gives us of ourselves, that who we’ve become is only a shadow of our true identities. sometimes, we need a little help remembering. but if you are in Christ, all it takes is a good, hard look at your reflection. at first, all you can see is yourself ... and being well-acquainted with yourself, that’s not a pretty picture. but if you look (and listen) very carefully, the image reflected will be less you, and more the One who lives inside of you.

when we forget who we are, it means we are forgetting God. that’s a pretty weighty accusation. we’re saying that we don’t believe what He says, and therefore who He is. or sometimes we can’t stand to really look and listen because we are ashamed of our pasts and don’t think we are living up to our potential. but as rafiki pointed out later, our past doesn’t matter because it’s behind us. it may still hurt, “but you can either run from it, or... learn from it.”

genesis 1:27 tells us that “God created human beings in his own image. in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” and not only that, but we “are a chosen people. you are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. as a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” (1 peter 2:9)

if we remember who we are - God’s children and royalty - then we can step into our destinies. He has called us out of the darkness of our pasts and asked us to bring His goodness to those in a dying land ... just like simba brought life back to pride rock!