the One who holds the stars ...

my desire for human connection runs markedly deep. it is one i am pretty poor at expressing, and when i do it is rare, and usually born out of desperation. so when i do, and it is not recognized, or honored, it can feel devastating. after a day that has left me reeling, on top of many days and weeks and months that have left me reeling, all i want is a soft place to land. instead i find myself battling devastation, but getting in the car, these are the words i hear …

If you can hold the stars in place

You can hold my heart the same

Whenever I fall away

Whenever I start to break

So here I am, lifting up my heart

To the one who holds the stars

(Stars - Skillet)

and then this …

You built me up like a city of gold

The battles rage but I'm standing tall

You formed my heart like an empire

The wind and rain can't stop this fire

If only I could see it from Your perspective

The beauty and the grace of Your architecture

(Architecture - Jonathan Thulin)

and this …

There’s a brokenness inside of you

there’s a wound that still reminds you

of the fear, shame and rejection

you have seen it, you have seen it

You know it’s time to get up

but your heart’s paralyzed, you’re so stuck

you’re past the point of trying again

you’re defeated, you’re defeated

But something inside you can’t deny

you hear the call of your Creator

I made you for more, unlocked the door

I wanna restore your Glory

So Rise

Breaking the dark, piercing the night

you’re made to shine

an army of hope, bringing the world a radiant light, a radiant light

you were made to Rise

Rise

(Rise - Danny Gokey)

and so here i sit, letting the truth of these lyrics wash over me, putting the pain to use, refusing to let it steal my voice like it has for far too long. the point here is not the pain, but how God meets us in it and speaks exactly what our hurting hearts need to hear ... if we are willing to listen. i’m so grateful for the reminders that He alone - maker of the very stars - holds my heart, and that, standing strong amidst the battles, wind and rain, i am called to something higher. i pray that these reminders speak to someone else’s heart, as well. find these songs and listen to them. don’t give in to the despair when it threatens to overcome. 

human connection will fail you time and again, but the healing power of HIS love NEVER will ... (psalm 136)

more than conquerors ... amy grant & steven curtis chapman in bowling green 2/29/16

When I first heard that Amy and Steven were doing shows together, and that they would be coming to Bowling Green, I knew I had to be there. This may seem heretical to some, but I was probably actually more excited about seeing Steven, as it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen him in concert, other than as part of Sam’s Place. It was not until after the show that I realized the appropriateness of seeing them together, because it was a Spring Break trip to Nashville nearly 11 years ago - bookended by Amy & Steven concerts - that solidified my decision to move here. The evening was such a sweet intersection of past & future, of deep heart longings & the declaration of truths, or as Steven’s song ‘Finish What He Started’ says -

Life has pulled at the seams

And you’re unraveling

And you can’t hold it together anymore

But God will, He will finish what He started

No thread will be left unwoven

Nothing will be left undone …

When He’s finished, we will SEE

A beautiful tapestry

And know that nothing has been wasted in the end

The night was, indeed, a beautiful tapestry.

Soundcheck wasn’t very long or involved. Steven did two songs, and Amy did one. There wasn’t really a chance to talk with either of them, though Amy did come back out after with money so a few of us could go buy sunglasses for those in the front rows because the lights were so bright. They unfortunately didn’t end up getting passed out, but I bought myself a new pair of pink leopard print ones that I rocked for the whole show. They made a pretty great souvenir! The venue, SKyPAC on Western Kentucky University's campus, was gorgeous, and we enjoyed a delicious dinner at Mariah's right around the corner from the venue ... you have to go and try the rolls!

In true reminiscent form, Amy started with Hope Set High. Throughout the night, they had graphics playing behind them for each song - music videos and personal pictures - most of Amy’s were the same ones I had seen at the weekend.

Great Adventure (SCC w/ AG)

Every Heartbeat (AG)

Live Out Loud (SCC w/ AG)

“Life is a continuum with no wasted experience. It takes you to so many unexpected places - thank you for coming along for part of the ride.” - Amy

Everywhere I Go (AG)

“Sometimes a song has found me when I was so alone I didn't know if I could be found.” - Amy

Better Than a Hallelujah (AG)

“We have a front row seat to watch you experience our music.” Amy had commented about how this was going to be a good show because they could actually see us (so I guess the bright lights weren’t all bad). But I had never thought of it from that perspective before. “These songs are musical mile markers ... Help to remember …” - Steven

Medley (SCC)
Let Us Pray

Speechless

For the Sake of the Call

The Change

Speechless is a sentimental favorite for me. Hearing it in concert years ago was one of the first times I had a tangible experience with the Holy Spirit. It has caused me to weep every time I hear it live, and this night was no exception. It was the beginning of many tears shed throughout the show … thank goodness for sunglasses and waterproof mascara! I only wish he had done the whole song and not just a snippet.

Oh How the Years Go By (AG)

“Everybody's creative somehow ... We're wired that way. Sing loud & proud, even if you're off key.” - Amy

Our Time is Now (AG)

This one hit a nerve for me …

Let us sing before our time runs out

The sound of your laughter, your smile

These things are never changing

The reminder that it’s okay to ‘sing’ loud and proud is a powerful one. Too often, I have allowed what others think to put a damper on my voice, my passion, my joy. My laughter and smile may not change, but it feels like they’ve been tucked away. I loved seeing all of Amy’s goofy, happy-go-lucky pictures throughout the show, but it struck me that I’ve been ‘censoring’ that part of myself. This breaks my heart, but also compels me to change …

Baby Baby (AG)

Cinderella (SCC)

The story is far from over ...

Glorious Unfolding (SCC)

Lay your head down tonight

Take a rest from the fight

Don't try to figure it out

Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart

‘Cause I know this is not

Anything like you thought

The story of your life was gonna be

And it feels like the end has started closing in on you

But it's just not true

There's so much of the story that's still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding

Just you wait and SEE and you will be amazed

You've just got to believe the story is so far from over

So hold on to every promise God has made to us

And watch this glorious unfolding

There’s not much to add to that … So grateful for music that expresses the deepest cries of my heart and then leads me to worship and declare precious truths.

When Love Takes You In (SCC)

Steven played this on piano alone on stage with videos of families meeting their adoptive children running behind him. I have always been moved by stories of his organization Show Hope, and adoption in general, believing it’s something I would love to do myself someday. But watching the videos this night moved something in me like never before. I pray that God gives me the ability to adopt one day.

* Intermission *

After intermission, they did a fun back and forth scaled-back “throw-down” of some classics. They gave years with each song, but I didn’t write them down … and am not going to go look them up ;) 

His Strength is Perfect (SCC)

Thy Word (AG)

El Shaddai (AG)

My Redeemer is Faithful & True (SCC)
That's What Love Is For (AG)

Be Still and Know (SCC)

Children of the World (AG)

Herbie Getting Beat (SCC)

Amy wanted to know the first song that Steven had ever written. This was literally about his brother getting punished, and was hilarious. It was really entertaining watching the two of them interact throughout the night. This was Steven’s first ever tour with women, so it was nice to see them so relaxed together. Amy kept saying how cute he was. It’s not the same chemistry that she and Michael have - more of a kid brother than a best friend. 

Curious Thing (AG)
This probably makes me a bad fan, but I never knew (or had forgotten that) the first verse was about Jim Carrey!

This Could Be Love (or it could be the flu) (SCC)

After being down with the flu all week, I sure hope love feels different than this!

True Love (AG)

“Makes you glad for the gift of music …” - I don’t remember who said this one, but yes, very!

I Will Be Here (SCC)

House of Love (AG)

Sometimes you listen to a song (and/or see pictures, or people) and it’s a little more difficult to be single than it usually is. Needless to say, Vince & Amy have the ability to regularly trigger that longing in me. But it also inspires me to let go and give of myself in a way I never have before so as not to let another opportunity pass me by.

Missing You (AG)

Sing Your Praise (AG)

Sing anew

The song your heart learned to sing

When He first gave His life to you

The life goes on and so must the song

You gotta sing again

The song born in your soul

When you first gave your heart to Him

Sing His praises once more

Sing aloud

The song that someone is dying to hear

Down in the maddening crowd

As you once were before you heard the song

You gotta let them know

The truth is alive to shine upon the way

So maybe they can go

Sing your praises once more

I love the live workup that they’ve done with this song. Not only is it so much fun, but also a powerful worship experience every time. And tonight, it was the perfect accompaniment to everything God had already been speaking - to sing again, not only for myself, but for others who need to hear the song that He has put in my heart.

More Than Conquerers (SCC)

And then Steven did this song from his new worship album. Wow. (I couldn’t find the lyrics up anywhere yet, so these aren’t 100% accurate.) Just let the beautiful grace of those words wash over you …

Now there is no condemnation.

Now there is no guilt or shame.

For those who have been covered

By the blood of Jesus

Now the words of our accuser

Have been robbed of all their power

And the enemy has been defeated

By the blood of Jesus

So we stand with our hearts washed clean

And we lift up our hands and sing

We are more than conquerors

We are more than conquerors

God if you are for us

Who can be against us

What can separate us

From your love

Once we were as slaves and prisoners

Now we’re children of the king

Sacred sons and daughters

Saved by the blood of Jesus

So tell me death where is your victory

Tell me grave where is your sting

You've been swallowed up in life

Forever by the blood of Jesus

So we stand as the ones redeemed

And we lift up our hearts and sing

By the blood of the Lamb

By the word of our testimony

The enemy has been

The enemy will be defeated

I have always and will always love Amy’s music, but there is not questioning that Steven’s music is simply anointed.

Lead Me On (AG)

Every Little Thing (SCC)

Love Take Me Over (SCC)

Okay, here’s another confession for ya … Up until tonight, whenever I heard the lyric “Trying to wake up, sipping on a hot cup, with the little lady in green” I thought he was talking about having morning coffee with one of his daughters. My dad calls me little lady, and he always writes about this daughters, so that is what made sense in my head. Then tonight it dawned on me that he was talking about Starbucks! But I digress …

* Grand finale *

You're Not Alone (AG)

Emmanuel (AG)

FINALLY they got the audience on their feet! These older crowds are always tough. There were plenty of moments that I would have liked to, but being smack dab in the middle right against the stage, I didn’t want to block anyone behind me. So I was grateful for the opportunity to dance and worship, and for the energy of the crowd.
Dive (SCC)
Turn, Turn, Turn (AG & SCC) I really wanted this one to be ‘Believe’, but it was still such a fantastic ending to a spectacular, God-filled evening.

I haven’t left a concert on such a high in a very long time. And it’s been even longer since I’ve felt compelled to write a review (let alone followed through on it), but I couldn’t help but share all the powerful truths God spoke to my heart … because if I had to guess, someone else needs to hear them, too. And if you need to hear them on repeat, make this setlist into a Spotify playlist or, better yet, go buy Steven’s new worship album, Worship & Believe, which was released today. Just do whatever it takes to get them deeply established in your heart!

I can't wait to see Amy with Nichole Nordeman in Kentucky in April ... I know there will be more of the same! (and I REALLY hope they do their song 'I'm With You' from The Story :)

when God sends mildew ...

the other day i was reminded of a passage in leviticus 14 about mildew. in the middle of several chapters labeled ‘instructions for the people’ about cleanliness are two whole passages on regulations for & cleansing from mildew. apparently this was kind of a big deal to God.

“you must keep the israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanness for defiling my dwelling place, which is among them.”  - leviticus 15:31

the part of particular interest to me was about the presence of ‘spreading mildew’ in their homes. it says, “when you arrive in canaan, the land I am giving you as your own possession, i may contaminate some of the houses in your land with mildew.” (leviticus 14:34) my thought when i first stumbled across these words, and again as i read them today, is that seemingly God sometimes causes mildew to see how diligent we will be about cleaning.

i know the prevailing school of thought is that a good God would never cause anything bad to happen. but may i remind you that He sent His one and only Son first and foremost to earth as a human, which we all know is hard enough in and of itself, and then to die on a cross, which is about as bad as you can get. romans 8:28 does not promise that God DOES only good. it promises “that God causes everything to work together FOR the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” does He want anything bad to happen to us? of course not. but if a little mildew is what we need to accomplish His good purposes in us and others, then that might be what He will bring.

first off, the people had to tell the priest, “i have seen something that looks like mildew in my house.” (v. 35) they didn’t try to figure it out on their own. they didn’t wait to see if the problem would go away. they were to go directly to the priest. how much grief could we save ourselves if we handled problems in the same way? if, instead of trying to figure it out on our own or hoping that a problem will go away, we took our concerns directly to God or trusted friend or mentor. 

next, the priest emptied out the house before examining the suspected mildew. there was no messing around. the mildew had not even been confirmed, but they didn’t want to run the risk of anything else being contaminated. then, if they thought it was mildew, they would close the house up for 7 days before coming back to check again. if there’s something in our lives that has even the smallest potential of becoming a major problem, we need to cut it off at the pass. clear out. put ourselves in time out and wait to see what God has to say about it.

then, if the mildew had spread, the priest ordered for the contaminated stones to be removed and walls scraped, the waste discarded outside of town, and new stones be put in their place with fresh clay and plaster. once a problem area has been clearly revealed in our lives, we need to be thorough about removing it. not just the larger, more obvious portions, but also the smaller, hidden pieces that have held the big pieces together. in truth, that is often where the problem originates. 

and once the contamination has been removed, we can’t just leave a gaping hole. this seems obvious when you’re talking about a home, but how often do we do this in our own lives? we can’t just clean out. we must replace what has been removed with fresh, new material so that the problem is permitted to return with even greater fury.

“when an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none. then it says, ‘i will return to the person i came from.’ so it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and in order. then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. and so that person is worse off than before.” - matthew 12:43-45

after the mildew has been removed and repairs made, and upon examination the priest finds that it has not returned, then he will pronounce the house clean and make atonement. if, however, the mildew reappears, then it is not just a ‘spreading’ mildew, but a ‘destructive’ one. the house will be declared unclean and must be completely torn down. greater sins - ones that do not merely creep but threaten to destroy - require an outright disassembly. 

“surely the eyes of the Sovereign Lord are on the sinful kingdom. I will destroy it from the face of the earth.” - amos 9:8

the beautiful thing is that which He dismantles, He also promises to rebuild. 

“in that day I will restore david’s fallen tent. I will repair its broken places, restore its ruins, and build it as it used to be.” - amos 9:11

we need only submit our lives to Him. because of Jesus we are thankfully no longer bound by the old system of cleansing and purification. however, we must recognize that in keeping our own ‘homes’ clean, we also keep His dwelling place - not the temple, but our hearts - pure.

who can you turn to in helping you examine any areas of concern in your life? is there any mildew needs to be cleaned out? is it simply the ‘spreading’ variety, or a more ‘destructive’ form? do not fail to carry out all that He has called you to do.

“therefore tell the people: this is what the LORD Almighty says: 'return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty.” - zechariah 1:3

choosing to pitch tents ...

it's been nearly 6 months since i've posted here. i've had blog ideas that i never sat down to write and are now long forgotten. that makes this blog that much more appropriate. i resolved to write more this year ... to pitch more tents in my life ... will you?

exodus 33: 7-11

v. 7 now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the “tent of meeting.” anyone inquiring of the Lord would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp.

pitching a tent is not easy work. i’ve done it once. it was in the heat of summer and not the most fun experience, but at least there was tree cover and with the help of today’s technological advances. just imagine how much more difficult it would have been back then, on dry, unforgiving desert ground, exposed to all the elements. but every time they stopped, instead of simply using one of the tents that was already part of camp, Moses would take the effort to pitch a tent for the sole purpose of meeting with God, away from the chaos of camp. and not just on the outskirts of camp, but 'some distance away'. so if people wanted to inquire of the Lord, they had to make the effort to do so. 

i know that today, because of Christ, the opportunity to meet with God is available to us anytime and anywhere (hebrews 4: 14,16). modern technology makes it easier than ever, but also easier to take for granted ... and to get distracted. this verse highlights the importance of making a concerted effort to meet with Him. i was recently reminded of this when watching The War Room. He is as close as our next breath, but will we make space just for Him apart from the chaos of our daily life? when the ground of our hearts is dry and hard, will we put in the time and energy required to truly encounter Him?

the passage goes on to say that “whenever Moses went out to the tent, all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents … while the Lord spoke with Moses … they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to their tent. the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.” it doesn’t say what happened when someone else would go out to the tent of meeting but i imagine they would bring their issue to Moses, and he would bring it before the Lord. 

i’m so grateful that we don’t have to stand outside the ‘tent of meeting’ while someone intercedes on our behalf, or worship at a distance while someone else gets to interact with God as a friend. just like Abraham, if we act on what we believe, we too can be considered friends of God (james 2:22-23), and experience the intimacy that comes along with that. 

the same opportunity is there for everyone. will you make the investment and take advantage of it?

(http://www.ucl.ac.uk/slade/fairclough/archive-2/pitchatent)