and so it begins ...

about two years ago i awoke with 1 Peter 2:10 emblazoned across the blackboard of my mind’s eye. i looked it up and read the verse found at the top of this page. but until i started this blog, i could not figure out God’s purpose in giving it to me, even often wondering why it was not the more familiar v. 9. as i thought about it, however, i realized that my life is a compilation of ‘but now’ moments - when God takes things from before to after, making His presence known in ways both big and small, humorous and holy. these are moments that i typically feel the compulsion to document and/or share, but for one reason or another, it simply does not happen, their power lost, their impact forgotten.

my life is not my story but God’s, and i believe that He is asking me to tell it. to whom much is given, much is required, and i have certainly not been delivering on my end of the deal. not that my position with God rests in the balance of whether or not i write. i just know that i will not fully experience His power in my life until i have fully surrendered myself to what He is asking of me ... and with all that He has done for me, how can i not help but share?

fear is funny like that ...

i have journaled for years. even posted a blog or note or whatever from time to time. an actual blog, however, i’m finding to be an entirely different animal. my overactive internal editor is on high alert. who am i to write a blog? will anyone actually care to read what i write? is what i want to write really that important? i say this not to be self-effacing. i’m just realizing how much fear i’ve been carrying around in relation to writing. sure, i can edit all day long, or whip up a bio without much thought, but when it comes to putting my own thoughts out there for a greater audience, it seems the well simply runs dry. this is not merely writer’s block, but a fortified wall that has been built over the years, and one that i was surprised to find still exists.

however, God continues to make the call to write undeniable ...

this past sunday at church (a week after i actually began this entry), we were challenged to write down whatever it was that keeps us from experiencing God’s power in our lives and place it on the cross. the word that immediately came to mind was simply surrender ... certainly not your ‘typical’ response, but after a bit of a debate with God, i tore off a scrap of paper so as to avoid having to tear a page out of my journal. then, the person next to me asked for a sheet of paper, as well. reluctantly, i handed him my scrap and turned to the last open page in my journal - one of those that has quotes printed throughout - and on it found “i write for the same reason i breathe - because if i didn’t, i would die (isaac asimov).” sigh ...

whether or not anyone ever reads what i write is not the issue. it is simply too much a part of who i am - a person of God who has received His mercy. i pray that the way He chooses to reveal Himself to me will be an encouragement to you, as well, and that you will be inspired to be more aware, and take note of, your own ‘but now’ moments.