i shall run the way of your commandments ...

running offers itself up to so many spiritual and life applications. it’s no accident that the Christian life is compared to running a race multiple times throughout the Bible. i also find it is one of the best ways to clear my head, recenter, and hear from God. last thursday morning, i found myself in an increasingly unhealthy frame of mind, so headed out on a long run in the hopes of gaining some perspective before i was done.

i was staying down in spring hill, so planned on running the 9-mile route a friend used. she mapped it out for me, and while i was not familiar with all the roads to which she referred, i had a general feel for the area, and trusted her not to lead me astray. i tucked the hand-drawn map in my pocket, wrote down the step-by-step directions on my palm and headed out around 12pm.

now, i hadn’t had the greatest breakfast, and definitely had not had as much water as i should have at that point in the day, especially before going out on a long, hot run. it was about 80 degrees and sunny, but for whatever reason, i thought i would be fine without taking any water or fuel with me. the first 3 miles were BRUTAL, with several hills that had me thinking ‘are you serious?!’ as they came into view. but I was in a good stride with my ipod and feeling pretty good, all things considered.



but somewhere between miles 3 and 6, things made a turn for the worse. i was exhausted and my body started breaking down. i approached the base of yet another hill with despair, and was SO thankful to discover that my next turnoff came just before. my friend told me that the last long stretch was nice and flat, and it was for a while, but then a hill came into view and i thought this couldn’t possibly be right. the whole way i had been so impressed by how accurate her directions had been. but when i came up on a subdivision before the hill, i thought that maybe she had gotten the street name wrong, or at least that it would connect with my subdivision of destination because it had the same kind of sign. i was wrong. i’m not sure how far i went before stopping to ask for directions, but learning that i could not get there from here, made my way back to the main road. so, not only did i add extra distance, but i still had to face the dreadful hill ... which was actually not as bad as it had looked from afar. the right subdivision was just a little ways beyond that, and after a few more turns, the run i thought would never end finally did. it took me much longer, however, to recover - the heat, fatigue, and dehydration lingering for days.

what’s the point of all this, you ask. well, God is so faithful to meet those who seek after Him, and after my little detour, He started speaking to me about how my situation also applies to life. trials in the Christian walk (or run) are not so much an if as a when. the good news is, God has equipped us with everything we need to get through them - we may be hot, tired and sweaty, but we will be stronger for having endured. He has provided Jesus, our bread (john 6:51) and water (john 4:13-14) to give us nourishment and energy. the trick, of course, is that we are actually eating and drinking enough, both beforehand to prepare us, and during to sustain us. the trials will be much longer and more difficult if we do not rely on our source of strength. He has provided us with the Word as a roadmap for our journey (psalm 119:105). we may not be familiar with the ways that He asks us to take, but with His promises tucked in our back pocket, and His instructions written on our hands, we can trust Him not to lead us astray. when He has a 100% track record of faithfulness, it’s amazing that we would ever question the plans He has laid out for us. and yet, when faced with another hill, how quick we are to think that we know better and start looking for a shortcut. “you were running well; who hindered you from obeying the truth?” (gal. 5:7). in the end, we’ve only made our journey longer and we still have to go over the hill we were trying to avoid in the first place. thankfully, sometimes when we see those hills in the distance, we are actually not meant to go over them, which is why we’ve been commanded not to worry about anything but our present circumstances (matt. 6:34). when that’s not the case, it seems that the hills are never quite as bad as they look. maybe it’s the act of digging in and taking it step-by-step, or maybe it’s just perspective, but often we find that our destination - our rest - is just on the other side of the thing we fought so hard to avoid.

so, lesson learned. whether physically or spiritually, the torturous journey and recovery are simply not worth heading out unprepared and not sticking to the route that has been laid out for me.

“i shall run the way of Your commandments. for you will enlarge my heart.”
psalm 119:32

an $85 whale ...

last monday, i prayed for patience. i just started a month-long dogsitting stint that requires me to take the twins i nanny out at least once every day for the three days that i have them. that wouldn’t be so bad, except that my little charges have been more than a little challenging lately - both not sleeping well + one not eating well = fussy babies, not to mention putting them on different schedules. and then, i walked in monday to find we had added cereal to the mix! and so, i found myself praying for patience, and saying as much on my facebook status. i immediately had two people warn against praying for patience because that is an open invitation for God to put you to the test. i, however, knew how horrible the next month could be if i didn’t go ahead and pray for patience up front. if that brought on some extra tests, then at least i would have the patience to get me through them. good thing, too.

monday, the boys were crazy yet again, including an entire bowl of cereal getting thrown clear across the room ... seriously?! but i came into tuesday claiming that God’s mercies are new every day. i had a great track workout, and got a free pastry from starbucks, but then hit every stinkin’ red light on the way to work, which made me late ... nothing frustrates me more than stupid traffic and stupid drivers. however, the boys were perfect! even a call saying my memaw had to be rushed to the hospital didn’t bring me down. sure, i was worried, but i didn’t feel the need to freak out. i did manage to slice my finger open while making dinner, but was happy to get to bed at a decent time. unfortunately, i was wakened by the pouring rain ... tree houses with lots of windows are cool until you start dumping water on them in the middle of the night. then, the dog decided i needed to get up at 4am like i had the morning before to let her out ... but then didn’t want to go out because of the rain. honey, if you get me up at 4am, you better believe you’re gonna pee. she did, but then was restless, so between that and the rain, i didn’t get much of the remaining two hours of sleep i had hoped to. and then my nose, which bleeds when it’s dry, apparently didn’t get the memo that it rained half the night and started bleeding, always making the process of getting ready a bit more challenging.

still, despite all of that, wednesday with the boys began as a repeat of tuesday ... until i hit a crazy curb on my way to walk the dog and blew out my front tire ... ugh! still, as annoying as that was, i took it in stride and started contemplating that little fruit for which i had prayed. one could argue that while my week with the boys was going much more smoothly, God was putting me to the test in other ways. maybe so, but i couldn’t help but notice how God had answered my prayer for patience. even in the face of multiple annoyances, i had not lost my cool. my conclusion was that i would rather have adversity if it also means having the fruit of the spirit, than have a life without trouble if it is also without fruit. it is for this reason that i CAN “consider it pure joy ... whenever [i] face trials of many kinds, because [i] know that the testing of [my] faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that [i] may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (james 3:2-4). it is for this reason that i do not hesitate to pray for patience.

the cool end (or next chapter) to the story came two days after i started writing this - the day i first actually posted to this blog. i had to take my car back to the shop to get the front end aligned because they had not had time to do it on wednesday when they replaced the wheel. it was definitely NOT something i had time for in my increasingly busy weekend, but i didn’t want to risk making a possible problem any worse. but, having to sit there and wait gave me time to finish my first entry that i had been putting off for so long. and God also freed up my evening, allowing me to finish up everything else i needed to. i won’t go so far as to say that God caused me to hit my tire on wednesday just so i would finish my first blog, but He has been known to bring storms and big hungry fish when His children don’t feel like listening. as crazy as it sounds, the feeling that comes from stepping into God’s will made that stupid batch of annoyances and $85 setback totally worth it!

and so it begins ...

about two years ago i awoke with 1 Peter 2:10 emblazoned across the blackboard of my mind’s eye. i looked it up and read the verse found at the top of this page. but until i started this blog, i could not figure out God’s purpose in giving it to me, even often wondering why it was not the more familiar v. 9. as i thought about it, however, i realized that my life is a compilation of ‘but now’ moments - when God takes things from before to after, making His presence known in ways both big and small, humorous and holy. these are moments that i typically feel the compulsion to document and/or share, but for one reason or another, it simply does not happen, their power lost, their impact forgotten.

my life is not my story but God’s, and i believe that He is asking me to tell it. to whom much is given, much is required, and i have certainly not been delivering on my end of the deal. not that my position with God rests in the balance of whether or not i write. i just know that i will not fully experience His power in my life until i have fully surrendered myself to what He is asking of me ... and with all that He has done for me, how can i not help but share?

fear is funny like that ...

i have journaled for years. even posted a blog or note or whatever from time to time. an actual blog, however, i’m finding to be an entirely different animal. my overactive internal editor is on high alert. who am i to write a blog? will anyone actually care to read what i write? is what i want to write really that important? i say this not to be self-effacing. i’m just realizing how much fear i’ve been carrying around in relation to writing. sure, i can edit all day long, or whip up a bio without much thought, but when it comes to putting my own thoughts out there for a greater audience, it seems the well simply runs dry. this is not merely writer’s block, but a fortified wall that has been built over the years, and one that i was surprised to find still exists.

however, God continues to make the call to write undeniable ...

this past sunday at church (a week after i actually began this entry), we were challenged to write down whatever it was that keeps us from experiencing God’s power in our lives and place it on the cross. the word that immediately came to mind was simply surrender ... certainly not your ‘typical’ response, but after a bit of a debate with God, i tore off a scrap of paper so as to avoid having to tear a page out of my journal. then, the person next to me asked for a sheet of paper, as well. reluctantly, i handed him my scrap and turned to the last open page in my journal - one of those that has quotes printed throughout - and on it found “i write for the same reason i breathe - because if i didn’t, i would die (isaac asimov).” sigh ...

whether or not anyone ever reads what i write is not the issue. it is simply too much a part of who i am - a person of God who has received His mercy. i pray that the way He chooses to reveal Himself to me will be an encouragement to you, as well, and that you will be inspired to be more aware, and take note of, your own ‘but now’ moments.