come be with me ...

so ‘pay it forward’ was a very inspiring ... and a very blog-inspiring ... movie. one of my favorite moments is when the mom, a recovering alcoholic who is having a very hard time staying on the wagon, is talking to her son and says -

“if you would be with me on this. if you would think that this is possible. then i think i can.”

it’s one thing to try and have the strength to believe in yourself. it’s something else entirely to have the strength that comes from someone else believing in you. that’s not to say that you should ever expect someone else to do it for you, and another person’s support means nothing if you don’t want it for yourself, but when you really, truly want it, having them be ‘with’ you can be exactly what you need to stay on the right track.

the Christian group watermark has a song called ‘more than you’ll ever know’ which says -

you had faith, when i had none
you prayed God would bring me a brand new song
when i didn't think i could find the strength to sing ...

'cause you've been more than a friend to me
you fight off my enemies
'cause you've spoken the truth over my life
and you'll never know what it means to me
just to know you've been on your knees for me
oh, you have blessed my life
more than you'll ever know

what a blessing it is to have someone fighting on your behalf, speaking truth to, praying for, and believing in you. and what a blessing it is to be that kind of someone for someone else. we were created for relationship, but one of satan’s greatest tricks is trying to convince us that we can do it on our own. after spending much of my life in relationships built on self-reliance, being wanted and needed is now such a mind-boggling concept to me. but that it is what creates connection and communicates love between two people. that is what carries you through when life gets too hard to do on your own.

as amy grant says in her song ‘come be with me’ -

baby this life can break your heart
everyone hurts to some degree
so while this world is falling apart
why don't you come be with me?

we are all faced with life’s hurts at one time or another. we can either fall apart while facing them alone, or let the world fall apart around us while facing them together.

two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. (ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

bachelorette 'gourmet' ...

as much as i love to write, i also love to play in the kitchen. i've wanted to include this as part of my blog for a while, and though tonight's creation might not be the best [most enticing] example, i thought it would be the perfectly crazy place to start.

i am what you could call a pantry chef ... look in the pantry, fridge or freezer, see what i have on hand, and figure out a tasty way to combine it all - as simply and easily as possible. i'm a good cook, but when you're only doing it for 1, putting in a bunch of effort just doesn't seem worth it - i get much more creative when it comes to cooking for others. but being on a budget means no frivolous ingredients, cutting corners wherever possible, and making the most of every last leftover. my stints in the kitchen are also usually very limited, so i don’t spend a lot of extra time on prep or waiting or baking either.

tonight is classically unique christine. i started with some fresh broccoli and grape tomatoes that needed to be used. my plan was to add them to a bowl of pasta with chicken and then build from there. frozen chicken is great, but i always keep cans on hand to throw in with salads or pasta. i had some whole wheat noodles at home, but was inspired by my roommate to buy a box of halloween-themed kraft macaroni and cheese for $1 when checking out at target ... what can i say, i’m a sucker for fun-shaped food! despite the splurge, i just couldn’t bring myself to indulge in the fake cheese, so instead i added some cottage cheese and shredded cheddar cheese that i had left over and made a creamy sauce. for flavor, i sprinkled ‘the melting pots’ garlic and wine seasoning on top. i steamed the broccoli and sliced the tomatoes, then tossed it all together.

it might sound weird, but i really enjoyed this grown-up twist on a childhood favorite!

all that being said, i would also love to extend this service to anyone reading - send me an ingredient list, and i'll come up with a fun and easy solution. i've spent many years as a nanny, so am definitely able to take the preferences of children into account, and make meals suitable for a whole family, especially a family on the go. dietary restrictions? bring 'em on! from appetizers to desserts, breakfast to dinner - you name it, i’ve concocted it. and my specialty is coming up with healthy, easy alternatives for classic recipes. check out my mobile uploads on facebook for some more examples, and i’ll post my newest creations here from time to time.

anyone brave enough to give it a whirl?

let me see your scars ...

there are two lines in the song that i mentioned yesterday which say -

Would you like a little company? ...
Are you mad at me? -- let it show ...

it takes a lot to let others in when something is wrong - to let them see you at your worst. it’s especially hard when they’ve done something to hurt you, because that means admitting they have the power to hurt you.

in the movie ‘pay it forward', which i watched a couple weeks ago, the teacher has a hard enough time letting people in because of the obvious scars that cover his face. when the little boy asks what happened, the teacher automatically assumes that the boy is making fun of him, unable to believe that he is genuinely interested and concerned. when the teacher starts getting involved with the boys mother, he has an even harder time letting her get close.

she says, “whatever happened to you, you look good to me.”

“you look good to me, too. i’ve just never been here before.”

“okay, so you’re scared. i’m scared, too. but i want that. i want that with you.”

“you don’t see me. my life is familiar. my life is manageable. as long as i have that, i’m okay. if i don’t have that, i’m lost.”

“is that what you want?”

“yes!”

“i don’t believe you.”

“it’s not about you.”

“yes it is. you’ve been offered something here, but you don’t want it. i can’t reject you, you’re too quick for me.”

as it turns out, not only his face, but also almost his entire body is covered with scars, and he is terrified that they will scare her away. it is easier to create a safe, orderly life for himself than to open himself up to the pain of rejection. but there is something so powerful about letting someone see and touch your scars. and not just the obvious scars that everyone can see, but also the deep, painful ones that can only be seen in your darkest, most vulnerable moments.

like the mother says, it’s scary to open yourself up to someone else. it’s scary to give someone the power to hurt you. but it’s better to be scared with another person than to stay protected and all alone.

we’ve all got junk. we’ve all got scars. it’s so hard to admit it. but when you’re willing to let the light of someone else's love shine on the places that you’ve tried to keep hidden, it’s actually not repulsive but incredibly beautiful and inspiring.

don’t be afraid to show your scars. don’t be afraid to admit that you’ve been hurt. don’t sacrifice being seen for who you really are.

'nothing' might not be as bad as you think ...

my friend will often sing these lines from the song ‘nothing’ by edie brickell & new bohemians ...

There's nothing I hate more than nothing
Nothing keeps me up at night
I toss & turn over nothing
Nothing could cause a great BIG fight

the song is talking about things from a relational standpoint. it’s so incredibly frustrating when something is clearly wrong with someone - particularly someone you love - but when asked what it is, all they say is ‘nothing’. we want to help. we want to fix. we want to be there. but we can’t do that if they won’t let us in.

then today i was thinking about how hard ‘nothing’ can be to deal with on a much grander scale. in our human nature, we want answers. we want solutions. we want to be doing. but what about when we pray and all we hear from God is nothing. we ask Him what He wants us to ‘do‘ and His answer is ‘nothing’.

it’s so much easier to be investing our time and energy into something with a clearly defined purpose and acknowledgement of our efforts, than to be working toward something with no guaranteed outcome. but God’s ‘nothing’s are not without purpose. the former may be a totally worthy and noble cause. but if God has called you to do ‘nothing‘ for a season, then you might miss the blessing while doing the ‘something’.

i think of moses. he was raised as pharaoh’s son - certainly a something. but then he spent 40 years in the desert, doing ‘nothing’ but leading his father-in-law’s sheep. it was there that God prepared and called moses to do a great something - leading the nation of israel out of slavery, through the desert, to the promised land.

i think of ruth. she lost everything, then gave up the promise of something better, in exchange for a life of seeming nothingness with her mother-in-law naomi. but it was there, in a foreign land, that God blessed ruth’s humble submission by bringing her a new husband, and ultimately using her to perpetuate Jesus’ lineage.

i think of david. he was anointed as the next king of israel, and yet spent his early years doing nothing but tending sheep, and then running for his life from some of his closest friends and family. after becoming king, a poor choice born of idle nothingness could have cost him everything, but God turned even that into something.

we must be careful not to get so caught up in our own somethings that we miss the somethings that God has for us. it’s hard not to be afraid of nothing, but we have to trust that our time and efforts - or lack thereof - are not being wasted.

just think ...

if moses had decided to do something other than nothing, he would have missed the burning bush. if ruth had decided to choose something over nothing, she would have missed out on boaz. if david had allowed the times of nothing to keep him down, he never would have been called a man after God’s own heart.

these stories of ‘nothing’ give us so much hope that God is up to ‘something’. just keep believing that God’s nothings are not for nothing.

to love, cherish ... and run :)

it’s gonna take me another day to get my writing brain back on all the way. but tonight my friend noel posted this as his status:

Runners are so annoying. Their leg could fall off and be carried into a jungle by a gorilla & they'd STILL find a way to go on their scheduled run. They're all crazy.

and as i sat here contemplating the connection - or lack thereof - between two people, it occurred to me that love is a lot like running.

running is something you have to decide to do. sure, most of the time it feels great and even if it’s hard to get out the door, you’re always glad that you went. you go even when you’re tired, or stressed, or hurt because you know it will make you feel better. if i only ran when i felt like it, then i wouldn’t be a runner. but it’s something i’ve made a commitment to do, and it’s who i’ve made the commitment to be.

in the same way, love can’t just be about a feeling. you love because it makes you feel good, and it’s good for you. the fact of the matter is that feelings fade. it’s simply not possible to feel the same way about a person all the time. stuff happens - you’re tired, you’re stressed, you’re hurt by something they say or do.

love isn’t just something that you commit to do. it’s who you commit to be. as it says in john 4, “God is love.” He doesn’t just show us love. that’s who He is. if you’ve made the decision to love someone, then that’s who you need to be. you have to keep on doing it, even when you don’t feel like it.

even if you’re missing a leg.

because really, to love someone, you have to be a little annoying, and a lot crazy.

we went to the chapel ...

it will certainly take some time to process the awesomeness that was today. i can hardly believe that it's already over ...

and that stacey and jimmy are actually married!


i got to watch so many of my sweet friend's dreams come true today, on many levels. it was a beautiful thing. there is so much hope in that. love and forgiveness and reconciliation are all possible, and often when you least expect them.

looking around tonight, i was struck anew by what a truly amazing group of family and friends we have been blessed with ...

how exciting to welcome jimmy, and the new family that he and stacey represent!

marriage: quotes to consider ...

having fun finding quotes to use at the reception, and thought i would share ...

say something silly.
laugh til it hurts.
take a risk.
tell a secret.
sing out loud.
shake things up.
color outside the lines.
order dessert.

"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis." —Margaret Bonanno

life is slippery. here, take my hand - h. jackson brown jr.

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. - Dave Meurer

To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with. - Mark Twain

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other's gaps. - Rocky

Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be - the last of life for which the first was made. - Robert Browning


love endures all things. (1 corinthians 13:7)

three things will last forever. faith, hope, and love - but the greatest of these is love. (1 corinthians 13:13)

i will make you my promised bride forever i will be good and fair i will show you my love and mercy. (hosea 2:19)

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (genesis 2:18)

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. (proverbs 18:22)

what God has joined together, let man not separate. (matthew 19:6)

above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 peter 4:8)

But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. (joshua 24:15)


all because two people fell in love.

someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

a laugh is a smile that bursts.

too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

a lifestyle of believing God makes you bolder in your love for others and in what you can believe God for in their lives.

i’d like to be the friend (to you) that you have been to me.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. you make me happy when skies are gray. you’ll never know dear, how much i love you. please don’t take my sunshine away.

One of the nicest things you can say to your partner, "If I had it to do over again, I'd choose you. Again."

a good marriage must be created.
in marriage, the little things are the big things.
marriage is never being too old to hold hands.
marriage is remembering to say ‘i love you’ at the end of each day.
marriage is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
marriage is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
marriage is giving each other a safe place in which to grow.
marriage is not only marrying the right person. it is being the right partner.

and, my most favorite find ...

I didn't marry you because you were perfect.
I didn't even marry you because I loved you.
I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine.
Two imperfect people got married
and it was the promise that made the marriage.
And when our children were growing up,
it wasn't a house that protected them;
and it wasn't our love that protected them -
it was that promise.
Thornton Wilder, The Skin of Our Teeth

here's to everyone finding someone to promise with,

each and every day.

choosing to live ...

tried to do this from my phone, but it didn't work ...

the curse of a photographer is capturing the moments instead of getting to live them. the curse of the writer is observing the moments instead of letting yourself enjoy them.

i am blessed with both curses.

i have the choice to sit back and watch, or to live and enjoy.

that being said, there will be a few pics, and even fewer words, but many many precious memories to show for this wedding weekend.

life is too short to not soak in every sweet moment ...


happy wedding, stacey! <3

turning 30 ... and the best is yet to come!

thought it would be fun to look back at old journals from my birthday, and thought this one from my first year in nashville was interesting.

another day and another year older ...


i was just thinking about what i have to show for the last year. for starters, i’m here, and that’s saying a whole lot. really, looking back, i can probably say that i have more to show for this past year than i have for any other year i can remember.

while i’ve been really depressed by my spiritual growth - or lack thereof - i feel like i have grown emotionally by leaps and bounds. i truly stood up to my parents for the first time. i made my first significant dent in my weight since high school. i challenged myself to come out of hiding and ask for help.

this week has just been disheartening because i feel like i’ve gone back to ground zero in a lot of ways, but i can see now how God is calling me to grow in Him. i never want there to be a doubt in my mind as to whether He knew me or not (matthew 7:21-23). a lot of me is absolutely terrified of being ‘found out’ for the fraud that i feel like i am. but it’s not like there’s anything keeping me there. there’s no reason i can’t become a complete sayer and doer of the Word ... other than PRIDE!

i’m also realizing that i’ve gone back into hiding in a lot of ways because of everything that happened before i left, and i’m really gun shy about the whole serious friendship thing. i want friendships in which i can feel safe, but am so afraid to open myself up for another huge rejection. i’m having to fight my way back to vulnerability.

my birthday is now officially over - another unassuming day on the planet, save some cake and one sweet friend. here’s to a new beginning, and renewed passion, and fearless living, and dreams pursued, and God’s plan revealed. may next year hold even more promise than the last!

oh, how i love seeing the evidence of answered prayers - especially ones that i had forgotten, or feel that i was not faithful in praying. God truly does desire to fulfill the desires of our hearts, even the unspoken ones.

it still blows my mind to think that i live in nashville, and have been here for over 6 years. despite all the challenges and seeming setbacks and not being where i thought i’d be, i would never trade where i am. i love the huge ways that God has continued to grow me emotionally, as well as spiritually. there has been healing in the relationship with my parents, food no longer has a hold on me like it did for so long, and i have experienced more freedom than i ever thought possible. slowly but surely, God has been chipping away at my pride and insecurities, bringing me back out of hiding and into relationships where i can feel safe enough to be seen.

this has been another largely unassuming day on the planet, but with many, many more amazing friends. the past year has brought many new beginnings, renewed passion, [more] fearless living, dreams pursued, and God revealing more of His plan for me.

with blessings like that, every day is like a birthday. i cannot think of a better way to start my 30s.

embracing the contrast ...

so, steve jobs died today. interesting that i had already planned this as my blog post ...

fall is my absolute favorite time of year to run. (of course, i’ll probably say the same thing when springtime rolls around.) but after a long, hot, humid summer, there’s just something about the crisp morning sunrises, the clear blue skies, the ability to run at any time of day without worrying about the heat, and the beautiful fall colors that puts a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

even though it is a season of dying, it still feels so full of life. there are new colors, new tastes, new smells, new sensations. the harvest is gathered, bringing life to those that planted, as well as to all those who will enjoy the fruits of their labor. plants are cut back and the ground is turned over, preparing for new life after winter has passed. people decorate with corn husks and hay bales, finding beauty in what is left behind.

ecclesiastes 3 reminds us “for everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven ...

a time to be born and a time to die.
a time to plant and a time to harvest.
a time to kill and a time to heal.
a time to tear down and a time to build up.
a time to cry and a time to laugh.
a time to grieve and a time to dance.
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
a time to embrace and a time to turn away.
a time to search and a time to quit searching.
a time to keep and a time to throw away.
a time to tear and a time to mend.
a time to be quiet and a time to speak.
a time to love and a time to hate.
a time for war and a time for peace. (vv. 1-8)

with fall, as we are reminded that all things must come to an end, there are also numerous promises of renewal to carry us through until spring comes again.

this morning on our run, we noted a particularly vibrant new addition to the autumn landscape. there was a plant that had been turning a brilliant shade of red as it was dying. today, we were surprised to see that it was now full of little yellow flowers.

without its death, this beautiful new life would not have been possible.

the beauty of life lies in the contrast. we cannot truly appreciate joy without also experiencing grief. we cannot truly appreciate healing without also experiencing sickness. we cannot truly appreciate quiet without also experiencing commotion.

i recently stumbled across this prayer that i wrote some time ago.

“thank you, God, for Your faithfulness in bringing me at least a glimpse of the hope for which i long, and help me remember that hope is not nearly as sweet without first experiencing the despair.”

i thank God for the hard times, because i know they make me appreciate the good times that much more. embrace the contrast.

the death of steve jobs is amplified by the greatness of his life. may we all be challenged to live in such a way.

will the real c-tine please stand up ...

after being ‘accused’ of marching to my own beat several times tonight, i thought this poem that i wrote in junior high would be appropriate ... :)

identity

i’d rather not follow the crowd,
even if shunned by everyone,
than be faced again with uncertainty ...

the uncertainty that says nothing is sure,
beckons to follow the lights that lie,
and the shadows that deceive.

i’d rather be exposed to the madness,
yet not swayed by it.
standing strong against the world.

let them walk where they might
always lost, unsure, questioning; why?
drifting aimlessly with the current.

i’d rather be walking in the light,
along the straight and narrow way,
hand in hand with my Father and Friend.

i’d rather let Him bring change in me,
than be changed by the world.
to grow. to learn. to let His shine through.

i’d rather be what He has made me to be.

isn’t it always the case that no matter how much the dark seasons of our lives might try to cover up and steal away our true selves, they’re going to come out one way or another?

mine just happens to come out through food.

even when i have a hard time expressing myself in other ways, if you give me a table (or menu) full of ingredients, my uniqueness will rise to the surface. i wrote this poem after coming out of my first (and darkest) struggle with depression. i had lost myself during that time, and was rediscovering (or discovering) and learning to assert my identity. i wrote this probably a year after that poem ...

there are some people out there who are already sure what they want to do, but i’m not too worried about that. the important thing is that i keep my hope for the future. three years ago, i know i could not have looked at my future in such light. it was overwhelming and ominous. now, i don’t have to worry about it because i know that God is in charge of it. all i know is that He has a perfect plan for my life, and just need to follow His will. over the past three years, i have really come to rediscover myself as a person. i think i can say that i have come away stronger and more mature. i have learned a lot of really important lessons and gained strong values that i know will carry me for the rest of my life. i now believe that i can face whatever comes my way, because i am facing it with God. there are so many pages of my life yet to be written, and i cannot even begin to imagine what the future has in store, but i can’t wait!

oh, if i had only kept these words at the forefront of my mind throughout the years. i have ‘lost’ myself more times than i care to admit. but i’ve also probably never been as far gone as i felt. i just forget sometimes. or i get uncomfortable with the ‘real’ me that i see, and so i hide. identity isn’t some big discovery. it’s just learning to be okay with who you are.

becoming comfortable in your own skin inevitably involves some growing pains. until i figure it out, you can find me in the kitchen ...

an even greater advocate ...

prophetic ministry is definitely not something i grew up with, and is certainly something that can be abused, but since moving to nashville i have seen too much evidence of the Holy Spirit moving in that way to deny its existence. the evidences in my own life alone are enough to make me believe.

for example ...

a month or so ago, i attended a prophetic service at my church. the visiting pastor had a word he had heard from God for each person in attendance. my word had to do with having a pastor’s heart, being a teacher, reaching children, and money from writing grants. then, at the end, he threw in a bit about a medical company that was going to be very kind to me. with my recent medical history, i was very curious as to what that might mean. while talking to my mom last week, it hit me.

in spite of all the continued frustrations, there has been one point of encouragement. two months ago, when i went to my regular doctor’s office about my pleurisy, they put me with one of their new associates. from the beginning, i have been so incredibly impressed with her attentiveness. she doesn’t just rush through our appointments - as is most often the case anymore - but has been very thorough with every examination and set of questions. when things didn’t get better, she took a more aggressive approach instead of just continuing with the same treatment. when things started improving, she still wanted answers to why the problem had presented in the first place. when she didn’t have the answers, she was willing to admit it and determined to get to the bottom of things. this weekend, she responded to an email after hours with, “we will figure this out together, do not worry.” it literally brought tears to my eyes. i cannot tell you how refreshing it is to finally have an advocate after 10 years of doctors not following through.

if that’s not a medical company being kind to me, i don’t know what is.

God is so sweet like that. He has given us the greatest advocate we will ever have, as long as we are looking for and to Him.

and I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. the world cannot receive Him, because it isn’t looking for Him and doesn’t recognize Him. but you know Him, because He lives with you now and later will be in you. (john 14:16-17)

even though i have my little freak-out moments, in the end i can’t help but trust Him. His examination of us is thorough (search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. [psalm 139:23-24]). and He will take the most aggressive approach necessary to get to the root of our issues so that we can enjoy the freedom of life in Him.

i know that He will come through. He always does. it might not look exactly like what i thought. but He’s never left me hanging once.

“we will figure this out together, do not worry.”

when everything isn't everything ...

another doctor’s visit. another set of questions without answers.

for a good portion of the last 10 years, i’ve struggled with bouts of extreme fatigue and malaise. i’ve been to numerous doctors, and had numerous tests run, with some abnormal results, but none that anyone has ever bothered to pursue. they’ve tried a couple things, but nothing has worked. it’s terribly frustrating. every time i get my hopes up about finally getting some answers, the door is slammed in my face yet again.

i’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

now, don’t get me wrong. i know that i am a very healthy person comparatively. i don’t take for granted that i am in great shape, can get out and run, and have incredibly good genes. and i don’t mean to complain when i know that there are people who have life-threatening illnesses and/or are in excruciating pain daily. it’s just hard when i can’t function at my fullest potential. i practically have to put toothpicks in my eyelids to make it through an afternoon, and most runs are a chore rather than a boost. this certainly doesn’t feel like “life to the full” that Jesus promised in john 10:10.

then today - on my run, no less - i was thinking about philippians 4:13 -

for i can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (NLT)

Christians most often take that to mean that they can literally do anything and everything because of Christ. while it’s true that we have access to all heavenly power and riches through Christ, i don’t think that’s quite what this verse is saying. let’s look at it in the NIV ...

i can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

now, what exactly is “this”?

i am not saying this because i am in need, for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (vv. 12-13)

so it’s not that Christ gives us the strength to DO everything. it’s that He gives us the strength to be content IN everything. that’s not to say that He doesn’t give us strength. but He doesn’t go around making Christians into superheroes, either. He gives each person the strength to live his or her own life. God will ask us to do things that require full reliance on Him for strength, but it’s not Godly to run yourself into the ground doing things that He hasn’t asked or given you strength to do.

so i’m reminded yet again that i need to be content with exactly how things are, whether completely healthy or exhausted, with answers or without. i know that God will give me the strength i need to do the things He is asking me to do, and it’s okay if i’m not doing ‘more’. He has always come through in the past, and i know that He will continue to do so as long as i continue to stay within His will.

everything sad is coming untrue ...

today, a friend posted a quote from her daughter:

think of others and they will think of you.

then i turned on the tv, and ‘pay it forward’ was just starting.

i saw this movie a long time ago, but remember being very impacted by it. a little 7th grade boy, trevor, has the idea to do something good for three people, and the only thanks he asks is that they in turn do something good for three more people, and so on. you’ve probably heard about paying it forward at the drive-thru, getting the next person’s drink, or whatever. but think about if you did something that really made a difference? the lives of over 1.5 million people could be changed in just 13 steps.

and it all starts with thinking of others.

you can’t plan it. you just have to keep an eye on people more. because they can’t always see what they need. it’s your big chance to fix something that’s not like your bike. you can fix a person. (trevor - pay it forward)

now, of course, no one can ever really fix another person. but when you are attentive to the world around you, you have the chance to take a step into someone else’s pain.

it makes me think about the song ‘fix you’ by coldplay.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

you have the chance to show someone what they’re worth. you have the chance to be the light that guides someone home.

of course, that means banking on the word and goodness of others.

but that’s what love is.

it “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 corinthians 13:7)

in love, God sent His Son to die for us knowing that not everyone would take Him up on His offer. but He did it anyway, because He knew that some would, and that they would tell others.

trevor came up with the idea because of a social studies project, but he says “i don’t care about the grade. i just wanted to see if the world could really change.” i won’t tell you what happens, but i will say that in a very short period of time, he was able to make a far greater impact than he knew.

that may seem overwhelming, but it starts with just one person. we have the opportunity to make that same kind of impact. we have the opportunity to change the world.

as jason gray says in his song ‘everything sad is coming untrue’

from the war torn city streets
to the trash the slum dogs eat ...
and in rwanda’s killing fields

everything that i thought i knew ...
everything sad is coming untrue

when we learn to live again
and let forgiveness win
there’s no wound that love won’t mend
and finally redeem

the power is ours.

i smile ...

i woke up to this status from my dear friend bria, who is now serving as a long-term missionary in ukraine:

feeling very melancholy & sentimental today. i miss nashville.
... i woke up from a dream this morning that was “old days nashville” ... circa 2008-ish. some of the best days ever. made my heart hurt. <3


later in the day, a friend who is having a hard time embracing the new and letting go of the old sent this text:

don’t cry because it’s over. smile because it happened. (dr. seuss)

then, tonight, i went to hear some friends sing and speak at a coffee shop, and one of them used the same exact quote when she shared.

i sense a theme.

and a particularly interesting one given that this will be a weekend full of walks down memory lane with friends from those ‘glory days’. i guess God wants me to have some good perspective going in.

the truth is, i have had an overabundance of reasons to smile ... which can make it that much harder to not cry when it comes time to let go, for whatever reason. it’s so difficult to move out of one season into another, trying to hold onto the joy while managing the inevitable sorrow. sometimes it’s hard to trust that there will be just as many reasons to smile in the new one. and that just because there are new reasons doesn’t mean that the old ones have any less value.

i think about how the disciples must have felt when Jesus tried to explain that He was going away.

“don’t let your hearts be troubled. trust in God, and trust also in me. there is more than enough room in my Father’s home. if this were not so, would i have told you that i am going to prepare a place for you? when everything is ready, i will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where i am. and you know the way to where i am going.” (john 14:1-4)

just like there will be enough room for everyone in God’s house, there is more than enough room for everyone in our lives and all the moments we get to share. people come and people go, but no one can steal the joy they bring to our lives. and while it can be painful to let go, we can rest in knowing that the next thing will be greater and is making us more into who we were meant to be, thus bringing glory to the Father.

“i tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works i have done, and even greater works, because i am going to be with the Father. you can ask for anything in my name, and i will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. (john 14:12-13)

so, this weekend, i will treasure all the smiles shared as we reflect on all that has happened, while looking forward with expectation at all the smiles to come.