the mess of togetherness ...

Alright, I’ve had this one mostly done in the queue for several weeks now, so for the sake of diving in to this writing thing, I figured I would finish it off today.

"You have freedom to 100% rock this! ... Messy is good. God likes messy. He wouldn't have chosen us if He didn't like messy."

I heard a friend speak this word of encouragement during a worship rehearsal several weeks ago, and was compelled to write it down. Somehow, these two thoughts don’t seem like they should go together. Rocking it out elicits images of a finely-tuned, exhaustively practiced stage show. Messy is what it took to get there. Yes?

Yes.

When it comes to God, the getting there IS what He’s interested in. He doesn’t care how good of a show we can put on. Perfection is HIS business. All He asks is that we rock our mess. We must stand confidently in who we are (because of who He says that we are), right where we are, no matter how messy that might seem to us. Trust Him with our mess. Trust that He trusts us with our mess. He’s not waiting for us to get our acts together. He just wants us to bring what we have to the table. At the risk of sounding cliché, He’ll make our mess into a beautiful thing.

At the time, I posted this as my status on Facebook. Another friend commented, "Without an ox, there is no mess in the stable."

I wasn’t sure where that came from, but as ‘luck’ would have it, it popped up in our Bible study the following week. This little nugget of wisdom can be found in Proverbs 14:4, and goes on to say, “you need a strong ox for a large harvest.” In the gospels, Jesus says, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few.” God wants a large harvest. God needs us for that to happen. He knows that will involve our messes. He’s okay with that. He designed it that way.

The same goes for relationships. They're messy.

oh, it's just a part of being a family

taking the good with the bad and the ugly ...

- Sanctus Real

You could avoid the mess by avoiding the people, but you would also be missing out on the sweet fruit that relationships bring to your life. Being okay with the messiness of relationships is a lesson I have been learning lately. The cool thing is, when you’re stinky together, you tend not to notice the smell quite so much. And when you’re in it together, you get to work at cleaning up the messes together. In the end, I’d rather have the divided work of the mess of togetherness, than the mess of me by myself.

testify to love ...

During the latter part of this summer, I jumped into Beth Moore’s Believing God Bible study with an amazing group of women from my church. It has been absolutely life changing, and I have barely even begun to scratch the surface. It feels like I need to go back through the whole thing with a fine tooth comb, making sure I don’t miss applying a single ounce of what God has spoken to me.

One of the big things He has spoken involves writing. This is not new – by ANY means – but I feel like this time around it’s a matter of sanctified (to make productive of or conducive to spiritual blessing) & consecrated (to devote or dedicate to some purpose) obedience, and why this afternoon finds me tapping away at my keyboard.

In the video from today’s session, Beth made a number of statements that really struck me.

“God wants to give things to people who are enthusiastic about receiving them … The more we clap, the more inclined He is to give an encore.”

If I want my encore, it’s high time that I start clapping!

The past two weeks of the study have been focused on finding God in our life stories. This was not a new concept or practice for me, but God has still been absolutely blowing my mind in terms of answering questions and revealing truths about my past. He has also been showing me how far He has brought me, especially in the last few years.

Just last night, I was thinking about how I spent so many years with the desperate longing to freely give and receive – and ask for – affection, but not knowing how. The reasons why would take many more posts, and there are still many questions surrounding this issue BUT, this morning during study, as I reached over to take my friend’s hand during prayer I heard God say, “I have done this!” Even as I write that, I can no longer see my screen through the tears streaming down my face.

I often get so caught up in the lingering questions that I let the lies of my past take me right back to that place, but the truth remains that GOD HAS DONE A GREAT WORK, and I can trust Him to complete it. I can trust – and thank Him even now for doing it – that He WILL show me how to accept & rest in love freely given.

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

What about you? What testimony can you give? What truth do you need to stand on today?

speechless ...

after spending much of 4 hours of plane time, and 3 hours of airport time reflecting on God's incredible grace over the past year, i flew into beautiful bozeman, mt ... i definitely was not expecting it to look like this!


i picked up the rental car and got settled in my room, then headed out for a run, camera in hand. i couldn't wipe the silly smile off my smile as i tried to take it all in. steven curtis chapman's 'speechless' came on my ipod and i realized that i was literally standing in the middle of that song ...


Words fall like drops of rain
My lips are like clouds
I say so many things
Trying to figure you out
But as mercy opens my eyes
My words are stolen away
WITH THIS BREATHTAKING VIEW OF YOUR GRACE

And I am speechless
I'm astonished and amazed
I am silenced by your wondrous grace
You have saved me
You have raised me from the grave
And I am speechless in your presence now
I'm astounded as I consider how
You have shown us
A love that leaves us speechless

that is where i am today as i set out into this next chapter of my life, ready to start facing my next set of walls ...

I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. (Mark 11:23)

describing the indescribable ... my country music marathon experience - the finish

after seeing him, the shepherds told everyone about what had happened ... but mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. (luke 2: 17 & 19)
______________________________________________________________________

as we crested the hill right before mile 26, i knew i was either going to pass out or throw up. fortunately it was the latter. and inexplicably, it seemed that every ounce of fluid and gel i had taken in over the last 4 1/2 hours came back up. no wonder my body was shutting down. (as an aside, if you’re reading this and have any insight as to why my body is unable to absorb what i take in during races it would be greatly appreciated, as i would like to run another and not completely bonk like i have in my past two.) the best part was, after i finished, we turned around to see a girl carrying a sign that said, “puke and rally.” and that i did.

i eased into it, but found i had the strength to run again. we picked up speed as we made our way down the hill toward the finish line. i laughed when the song that would be the last of the race came on my ipod - one of my best friend’s group ‘undue favor’, called “life amazing.” i could not have picked a better note on which to end. my dad - jeans, polo shirt, recent back surgery, and all - jumped in with us. unfortunately, he was also what clued a race official into the fact that they we not registered runners and stopped them from finishing with me, which has never been an issue in the past. i was so disappointed, but knew that i could not let it hold me back. the rest of my squad had managed to attain perfect positioning at the finish, and a huge smile spread across my face as i crossed the line to their resounding cheers.

4:38 was my final time. it was disappointing that i had missed my goal by so much, but in that moment, just like they say about labor, all the bad parts disappeared and only the incomparable joy remained. i wish i had thrown up sooner so maybe i could have finished stronger. but i know beyond the shadow of a doubt that i absolutely gave my all that day. and i wouldn’t trade what i shared with my best friend for anything. my first goal for the day was a 3:40 finish. my second was not to throw up at the end like i had after my first race. but my ultimate goal was for it to be an enjoyable experience. and that it was. two out of three ain’t bad.

in jest, a friend asked if i had won. “i overcame,” was my response. pushing through the pain was ultimately a greater accomplishment than meeting my goal time. and it is an experience that i will keep in my heart and think about often, just like mary.

describing the indescribable ... my country music marathon experience - part 2

after seeing him, the shepherds told everyone about what had happened ... but mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. (luke 2: 17 & 19)
______________________________________________________________________

i was beginning to struggle, and when i couldn’t stomach my energy bar just before mile 10, i knew that things were not going to turn out well. i had tried for as long as possible not to entertain that thought, but it was only a matter of time before the mental could no longer overcome the physical. i was okay with not hitting my goal if i could stay strong for the rest of the race. if only ...

the next 6 miles were some of the course’s hardest ... a long & lonely, hot & hilly out and back through metro center. i passed my oldest nashville running friend - and marathon veteran - around the farmer’s market and wonder now what would have happened if i had tried to stay with her. instead, i have almost no recollection of making my way back into the city and meeting up with my cheer squad at mile 17. they could see that i was not doing well. my eyes were the strangest color, they would later tell me. it was like i was there, but i wasn’t, or like i was underwater, which is weird because my ears were actually clogged. in that moment my best friend decided to go with me then. initially, she was just going to go a little ways before circling back to meet me at our next checkpoint. but it didn’t take long for her to determine that staying with me for the long haul was what i needed.

we slowly jogged away from the group, across the woodland street bridge and into east nashville. i’m not sure at what point i had to start walking, but would say i was only able to run fewer than 3 of the final 9 miles. my cheer squad popped up again around mile 20, and i was able to give them a smile and sign “i love you.” but it wasn’t long after that when i told my friend that i may or may not throw up. i also realized that i was no longer sweating and knew that was not a good sign. my responses to her came in short bursts - “wait ... walk ... no ... stay with me.” she carried my bottle for me, poured water down my back, and held my hand as i struggled up a hill in shelby park. if not for her, i’m honestly not sure i would have been able to make it through those last long miles.



find out how i finished later this week ...

describing the indescribable ... my country music marathon experience - part 1

after seeing him, the shepherds told everyone about what had happened ... but mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. (luke 2: 17 & 19)
______________________________________________________________________

there are some experiences in life that can never be fully explained - no words can describe, no picture can capture. they can only be cherished - kept, carefully weighed, compared and added to what we already know to be true about ourselves and others. my country music marathon was one of these experiences. that being said, i will simply do my best to convey the events as they unfolded.

it was to be my second marathon. my first, huntsville in december of 2009, didn’t go quite as well as i had hoped. i went into with an ambitious goal of 3:30. a boston qualifying time of 3:40 was my plan b. i should have been thrilled with my actual finish of 3:49. and i would have been if i hadn’t felt awful from almost the very beginning. i didn’t hit a wall ... the whole race was my wall. and then i threw up at the end. i came away from the experience with a very bad taste in my mouth, and it took me over a year to even entertain the thought of doing another.

when i finally did, i knew that i would have to run my own race (not try to stay with anyone else as i had before), with lots of support, and on a familiar course. enter the country music marathon.

after battling illness and injury at the beginning of my training, things went very well. (besides, it was those things that kept me from registering sooner, allowing me to win a free entry, so i consider them a blessing in disguise.) i was in a much better place physically and emotionally, and felt stronger than i had in a long time. i established a good routine with my long runs, and felt great during and after them. everything seemed to be lining up, and i was cautiously optimistic about a positive outcome.

my parents came in town for the race and they, along with some of my closest friends, made up my amazing cheer squad. we had mapped out several spots for them to watch along the way, and my best friend (and running partner) planned to jump in with me at mile 20 and do several miles, then finish together. i was ridiculously nervous in the days leading up to the race, but by that morning had settled in my heart to just make the most of the experience.

things started out great. i caught a glimpse of my cheer squad at mile 2 and their exuberant faces carried me for the next 8 miles. the twin boys that i used to nanny and their parents were stationed at mile 10. i paused long enough to kiss their little knees in the stroller then was on my way again. my cheer squad was next stationed at mile 11 where i stopped to refill my bottle with gatorade. at that point, i was on target for a 3:40 finish. but after leaving them, i made the decision to drop my pace.

check back to find out what happened ...

april fools ... a lot deeper than you might think ... really!

I've always kind of wondered about the origins of April Fool's Day, and was inspired by what I discovered on allrecipes.com:

Most historians agree that April Fools' Day began when the Christian world adopted the new Gregorian calendar. According to the old calendar, the New Year was celebrated in the spring for eight days (the final day of celebration being April First), but because the new calendar was so different, the date of the New Year was changed to January First.

Many of the people who lived in the countryside didn't know of the change for years, and continued celebrating the New Year during the spring. Those "in the know" thought this was hilarious and started to call the April celebrators "fools." From then on, these people began to go out of their way during this particular season to make friends believe something that was false. And April Fools' Day was born!

Maybe it's just me, but that sounds an awful lot like what Satan likes to do in our lives ... God changed the rules, taking us from a system of law to a system of grace, but Satan tries to keep us in the dark and living under the law ... how he and his friends must laugh, while they go out of their way to make us continue believing something that is false.

So, celebrate this "holiday" with all the folly you like, but as you revel in the newness that spring brings, don't forget to also celebrate and declare the grace by which we now live. We are only as foolish as the lies that we choose to believe!

how low will YOU go? ...

since i last wrote, i’ve had all these little snippets of revelation that seem very simple separately but, at the risk of sounding cliche, have the distinct possibility of rocking my world if i take the time to put them together.

so i’m taking the time.

i recently talked about us being created in God’s image and how, by distorting our image of self, satan can distort our image of God. the following week, this concept was taken to the next level. our reading in ‘discipleship journey’ included this quote from c.s. lewis:

“to fully enjoy is to glorify. in commanding us to glorify Him, God is inviting us to enjoy Him.”

i made the notation that ‘the best way to honor someone is to fully appreciate and enjoy every aspect of them.’ funny looking back now because the following sunday’s sermon was about honoring God and others. more on that later.

that night at discipleship class, everyone was sharing about what God had been doing and how He had been revealing Himself. a friend shared that she really related to God’s ability to go low.
this is something we had talked about before, but it hit me with new, and intense clarity. lately, i have really been struggling to not let my old companion depression get the best of me in terms of feeling like a crappy friend and human being ... but not doing a very good job of it. i won’t go into all those details yet.

what struck me that night was how if going low is part of God’s image, and appreciating - even enjoying - EVERY aspect of God brings Him glory and honor, then i need to be okay about going low with Him. not only does God meet us at our lowest points - our deepest, darkest hours of need. He takes us there. it is there that He can reveal and invite us to enjoy a part of His character that we would never get to know otherwise. not allowing yourself to experience your brokenness, disappointment, sadness, etc. is not allowing yourself to enjoy every aspect of God, and the fullness of His image in and through you. not doing so is not glorifying God, and that is disobedience. wow.

so with that reminder came the invitation to go low with God. i came face-to-face with my disappointment, and it broke me. good thing the passionate commitment of the Lord Almighty guarantees HOPE! (isaiah 9:7b). because of that i can trust Him not only to take me there, but also to take me through. the God who has literally been to hell and back will not let you get that far gone, and will certainly not leave you there.

the first step is letting yourself go low, and then being willing to stay there as long as necessary. there is beauty on the other side of brokenness, but the question is ...

how low will you go?

win a free entry to the country music marathon or half marathon!

as i prepare my next entry about lessons learned on the road, i thought it appropriate to post a link to another fellow running blogger. and if you, like me, are training for CMM but have not yet registered, why not try and get a free entry while you're at it? :)

http://diaryofanaveragerunner.blogspot.com/2011/03/giveaway-rock-n-roll-country-music.html?showComment=1300828326479#c7363499852969132843

see you april 30th!

UPDATE: I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON !!!!!

thanks so much diaryofanaveragerunner!

after having to drop $1000 on my car yesterday, this is a HUGE answer to prayer ... happy friday to all :)

bring on the glory ...

in my last post i mentioned that something really cool had just happened. literally as i wrote the line about being created in God's image, my sweet friend sent me this text:

"you are created in HIS image and you are beautiful. you exist b/c He created what He pleased. Rev 4:11"

i absolutely LOVE when God does stuff like that to confirm what He is already speaking. but the really cool part of it is not just the confirmation, but also the blessing of obedience. in addition to speaking about being created in His image, God had been convicting me about being more intentional in spending time with Him, specifically in terms of writing and sharing what He has shown me.

so in choosing to spend those extra 20 minutes heeding His voice instead of doing any of the 100 other things that would have quickly filled my time, i got to experience the blessing of hearing from Him further. sure, that text would have been sweet no matter what. but it would not have had the same uplifting impact. now i'm not trying to pat myself on the back here. seeing as i haven't written a blog in over 3 months, i clearly don't have this down. it as much a reminder to me as anything ...

how many times have i missed out on God wanting to speak because i have not made the time to spend with Him?

or how about this doozy - how many other people have missed out on God speaking to them because i have not made the time to share what He wants me to?

ouch.

if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us (james 4:8). how cool is that?! i'm so thankful for His graciousness in reminding me of that time and time ... and time ... again. if i make the time to meet with Him, He will not be remiss in meeting with me and, through that, others may meet with Him as well. what an honor. what a privilege. what a responsibility.

it may seem like a sacrifice at times, but don't you think the benefits truly outweigh the costs? it says in matthew 11: 27-29 that as we come to know the Son, He will not only give rest to our weary souls, but that through Him we can also know the Father - KNOW GOD! and "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all (2 cor 4:17)." i don't know about you, but i'd be okay with some eternal glory. and the best part is, we get to experience a little part of that NOW when we spend time with Him!

BRING ON THE GLORY!

who's image? ...

so it's been a while ... a LONG while ... since i've written. let's see what i can come up with in the 20min before i have to leave for work :)

last night during discipleship class, one of the facilitators said something about "putting on" Christ (galatians 3:27). this is a concept i have heard discussed many times in the past. it seems simple enough. i mean, who wouldn't want to put on Christ?

he then went on to talk about how satan LOVES to distort our image of God. an image is not the real thing, obviously. we were made in the image of God. we are not God. however, for me i think one of the main ways he can distort my image of God is by distorting my image of myself.

stick with me. this is hard enough for me to wrap my head around for myself, let alone explain through my early morning, haven't had my coffee yet haze. if satan can make me unhappy with some (or many) aspects of myself, but i am supposed to be made in the image of God, then what does that say about the One i'm supposed to look like?

hmmm ... God, why did you make me like this? if i am imperfect, are You? okay, obviously NOT. but satan has sure done a really great job of convincing me to buy into these questions at times. has he done the same for you? is the first step in correcting your image of God, correcting your image of yourself?

i'll write more later, because something REALLY cool just happened, but those are just some thoughts to get my and your brain juices flowing for the day ...

be a blessing!

running in the dark ...

running in the dark is not ideal, but there are times that it is inevitable. there are, however, certain precautions one should take to make running in the dark as safe as possible.

don’t run alone. “two are better than one ... if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (ecc 4:9-10)

if a companion is not an option, make sure that someone knows you’re out there so they can come looking for you if you don’t make it back in a reasonable amount of time.
“very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “everyone is looking for you!” (mark 1:35-37)

-> make sure that those you choose to come along or keep watch are up for the task.
“then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called gethsemane, and he said to them, ‘sit here while i go over there and pray.’ he took peter and the two sons of zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled ... then he said to them ... ‘stay here and keep watch with me.’ going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed ... then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. ‘couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?’ he asked peter. ‘watch and pray so that you will not fall.’ (matt 26:36-41)

set out with a goal in mind. know where you’re going, for how long, and don’t stop until you get there.
“i will keep on driving out demons and healing people today and tomorrow, and on the third day i will reach my goal.” (luke 13:32)
“but i press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me ... forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me.” (phil 3:12-14)

run with a light. to have no source of illumination for your path would be foolish. here too, the light from two runners is far brighter than just one.
“but at night there is danger of stumbling because they have no light.” (john 11:10)
“your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” (psalm 119:105)

wear flashers and/or reflective gear. even - especially - in the dark, it is important for others to be able to see what you are, particularly when approaching from behind.
“so we who have had the veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord.” (2 corinthians 3:18)
“by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (john 13:35)

--> oncoming cars don’t shed any light on your path, but only light up what is behind you, making it even more difficult to see where you are going. cars coming from behind allow you to see a great deal more of the path before you.
“your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘this is the way; walk in it.’” (isaiah 30:21)

keep your focus on only the steps just before you, where your light casts its beam. do not look to the right or left, or off into into the distance.
“be strong and very courageous. be careful to obey all the law ... do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.” (joshua 1:7)

if you don’t heed these guidelines and take a stumble, you’ll have to deal with varying degrees of scrapes and bruises. i have learned this the hard way, many times in real life, monday night on the road. they are painful reminders of what happens when you let darkness get the best of you. but pain, like darkness, in unavoidable ... even necessary. the key is how you handle it. will you learn from the pain? when the darkness returns, will you face it - embrace it - with strength and courage? if the heart is not laid bare in darkness, it will be swallowed up by it.

“yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear. you will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. you will be secure, because there is hope.” (job 11:13-18)

busyness isn't betterness ...

I am currently doing Kay Arthur's Covenant Bible study. On day 3 of week 6, she talks about how the Israelites were supposed to construct a tabernacle according to the exact pattern and design that God showed them. They then were to build the Ark of the Covenant, and the mercy seat to go on top, which is where God would come to meet with and speak to them. As I read that, it occurred to me that if they did not follow His instructions exactly, then they would not have had a place in which God was willing to meet with them.

She also mentions how God would lead His people from a pillar of cloud by day, and a pillar of fire by night. They could not move on from a place unless the pillar went first. To travel apart from the cloud or fire was to travel apart from the will, and the presence, of God.

Day 4 goes on to talk about the Davidic Covenant, focusing on 2 Samuel 7: 1-18. After years of war, the Lord finally gives David rest from the attacks of his enemies. David immediately comes up with a plan to fill his new-found free time by building a permanent house for the Ark of the Covenant. The prophet Nathan gives David his seal of approval, but then God says, “Hold up. I never asked anyone to do that.”

Why do we feel the need to come up with things to do for God? No matter how noble, we don’t need to fill our time doing things God never told us to do. Because he had a time of rest, David wanted to do something for God, but that was not David’s job. “I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep, to be ruler over My people Israel.” That is all that God required of David.

In fact, it was God who wanted to build a house for David (v. 11). When David realized this, he “went in and sat before the Lord.”

God was focused on all the things that He was going to do for David in the future, and simply wanted David to be in His presence. It’s okay for us to revel in the rest that God gives us … to simply enjoy His presence instead of always striving for bigger and better things.

As evidenced by Nathan’s response and the subsequent reproof, just because something is good doesn’t make it right. We need to know who we are and what we are called to, and stick to that. More than anything, God’s wants us to be in His presence now. But that requires careful attention to the instructions that He gives us, patience to not move ahead of His direction, and contentment to rest where He has placed us.

GOD OF THE WHOLE FREAKIN' UNIVERSE!!!

Reflecting on John 15: 12-17 as I wrapped up my Bible study this afternoon really drove home a few points about which I had just been thinking. We are called – no, commanded – to love one another, just as Christ loved us. He loved us enough to lay down his life for us – his friends. That’s a pretty great love. But Jesus – GOD OF THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ UNIVERSE – called us His friends. I have a hard enough time understanding how/why my own friends – other humans – love me. Truly. Most of the time I believe that I managed to weasel my way into their lives in such a way that now they’re stuck with me. This isn’t about self-deprecation, though they know how good I am at that. It’s just that I’m not used to really being let into someone else’s life. Granted, I recognize that this is largely my own fault. The point is, however, because I’m not used to it, it pretty much blows my mind when I get to experience it. But that’s nothing compared to the mind-blowing power of friendship with Jesus.

Jesus calls us his friends. Wow. We’re in the club. The inner circle. Maybe you were one of the cool kids in school. I was not. I hated being left out. I hated not being in on the secrets. Okay, that’s probably everyone. But the GOD OF THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ UNIVERSE (this is me reminding myself) has let me in on HIS secrets. You don’t get much cooler than that! And not only does he let us in on what’s going on, but he also wants our help. Needs it, even. Feeling needed might possibly be the most empowering thing in the world. It’s empowering when someone else invites you into their life. It tells you that they feel you have something to offer. It motivates you to step up because they’re counting on you. How much truer is this in our relationship with God?

He’s called us to partner with him in the battle. He chose us. He appointed us. He KNOWS we have something to offer and he’s counting on us to come through [bear fruit]. That sounds like a lot of pressure. But really, all we have to do is remain in him. And remain confident of our position because of him. If David had not been confident of Jonathan’s love for and commitment to him, he would not have been able to go about his normal routine, peacefully playing the harp, while sharing a palace with the man who wanted to kill him. He would have lived in fear. He would have missed out on relationship, he would not have walked out his destiny, and he would not have been able to ask for protection. We can’t act like servants, downtrodden and without rights. Jesus is calling us to a covenant friendship. He has given us his robe, and as long as we keep it on – walking confidently in its power – we can ask for anything in his name. If we don’t walk in that, we’re going to miss out – on the privileges, on the partnership, on being used in someone else’s life. It’s enough to rob ourselves. How much sadder to rob others? There’s so much more on the line than we can ever know. Will we believe? Like, for real?

break me, make me believe ...

God’s Word is truly living and active (Hebrews 4:12). I love how the same scriptures can speak to us in completely different ways at different times. As someone who frequently struggled with depression during my teenage years, I found solace in the words of Job. It's so interesting reading it from a new perspective now ...

As the book begins, God Himself describes Job as “the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil.” How’d you like a recommendation like that for your resume?! It seems that Job has everything he could ever want or need. But God knew that there was something missing. After Job endures and repeatedly refutes the so-called advice of his co-called friends, God finally speaks and Job is humbled: “I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me … I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.”

What more could we ask for than that? We can have all that the world values—family, friends, homes, possessions—but if we have not seen God, and been truly humbled by His power, then we have nothing. Satan argues that because God has “always put a wall of protection around [Job] and his home and his property” and “made him prosper in everything he does,” that “Job has good reason to fear God.”

As I’m writing this, I realize that these lyrics from Fireflight’s “All I Need to Be” are playing in the background:
Take me beyond what I can see
Break me, make me believe
That you have made me all I need to be
Knowing all that I can do is be open
When You start to move in my heart
And now, my God, I finally hear Your voice

That’s it exactly. God thought so highly of Job that He was willing to take away everything—to break him so that he would TRULY believe, TRULY see, TRULY hear—so He could take him to the next level. At the beginning of the book, Job’s children spend all their time celebrating with one another, and Job spends all his time interceding on their behalf. By the end of the book, Job is no longer inwardly focused on all that God has given him. He must pray on behalf of his friends—the ones that spoke so judgmentally against him—so that they will not receive the judgment that they deserve from God. It is then, and only then, that “the Lord restored his fortunes.” It is only when Job opens up his home to his brothers, sisters, and former friends that he can be consoled and comforted, and only then that “the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning.”

Taking this one step further, Isaiah 58 tells us that the kind of fast [self-denial] that God desires is to loose the chains of injustice, untie the cords and break every yoke, set the oppressed free, feed the hungry, provide shelter, clothe the naked, and not turn away your own flesh and blood. It is then, and only then, that “Your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.” Oftentimes we feel like we need to get our act together before we are able to serve. But this tells us that it is only through serving that God will bring about the deliverance we have so desperately been seeking. It is only when we act as His ambassadors to others (whatever that might look like for you) that He can be everything that we need Him to be for us.

So, if you feel that your wall of protection has been removed, instead of getting mad and cursing God, start by asking why (it IS okay to ask God that)—not because you deserve it or are being punished, as Job’s friends suggested, but because God desires to be your everything and to take you to deeper levels of intimacy with Him … and all you can do is be open, when He starts to move in your heart.

Oh, and you know how I started out by saying that God’s Word is living and active? Well, I have seen the power of that statement yet again … as God revealed deeper truths about the highlighted passages, this entry became so much more than my original thoughts. How often have I not written because I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to write? Don’t let uncertainty hold you back from your calling. Just start walking in the right direction and God will fill in the gaps!